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tikificTitle: The Beings of Dream*Mart (Mythklok Interstitial)
Author: tikistitch
Rating: PG-13
Summary: A visit to a big box retailer in the Dreaming
Warnings: Cursing, poorly dressed shoppers, pink boxes
"A big box retailer in the dreamtime?" inquired Ganesh. "Tis, I suppose, a unique business opportunity. Although I personally prefer Target,” noted the elephant god, who pronounced the final word, "tar-jay."
"Trust me, Ganesha, you'll adore this place. It's the last word in fashion!" Raziel told him.
"Really?" asked Ganesh, a skeptical tone to his voice.
"Hey, they got a Dimmu Burger!" commented Nathan Explosion, the other rather large being who accompanied the small angel on her errand.
"Don't worry, dear, we'll stop for Death Cult Fries on the way out," she assured him.
"Can we get a Darkness of Eternity Meal?" he asked excitedly.
"Sure thing. Liam loves the Every Bone Broke Chicken Yum-Yums. Hey, look who's here!"
"Lady Raziel! How splendid to encounter you by happenstance!" said Orula, leaning down to receive air kisses from Raziel.
“I didn't know you guys shopped here!” she declared, giving more fake kisses to his partner, Chango.
“Oi, we don't shop as much as, you might say, monitor the sitchiation,” explained Chango, indicating a Macbook Air sitting out on the Dummu Burger table amid burger wrappers and Chicken Yum Yums.
“The Beings of Dream*Mart?” inquired Ganesh, regarding the screen.
“That's my favorite site!” gushed Raziel. “Is that you guys?” she whispered.
The two vodouisants nodded. “Under an alias, of course,” noted Orula.
“Wherever did you obtain these photographs?” asked Ganesh, scrolling through the images. “Couldn't this person locate his pants? Do they really make spandex in that color? And.... What is up with that hat?”
“'As Ganesh been here prior to this?” asked Chango, flipping his puce boa around his neck.
“No, he's a Dream*Mart virgin!” Raziel announced.
“You are in for a rare treat, my friend!” Orula told him, patting the elephant god on the back.
“We gotta go, I gotta pick up some crap for my kids. But we'll stop by on the way back,” Raziel told them.
“An', keep the cell phone camera ready!” Chango called after them. “Remember, it's BEINGSOFDREAMMART@GMAIL.COM, no dashes!”
Raziel grinned and held up her cell phone.
“Don't you want A SHOPPING BASKET, Raz?” asked Nathan.
“No, and you don't want one either! Rule number one of Dream*Mart shopping! If you get a basket, you just fill it up, and then you have to come back for another basket. No, only what you can carry. But, you can take as many pictures as you want!”
Nathan shrugged, but Ganesh continued to look skeptical. “I don't think I see the point-” But then he froze as he watched a shopper who had opted for a basket shuffle by.
“Was she.... Was she really only wearing body paint?” Ganesh asked after she had turned towards small appliances.
Raziel and Nathan were comparing their cell phone camera shots. “Oh, the Dethphone is really good for that kind of thing,” she said.
“Can I SEND MINE?” asked Nathan.
“It's a better shot, you go ahead,” Raziel told him.
“Why would someone- Why is she shopping- And why the newspaper hat?” stammered Ganesh.
“You're beginning to see the wonder of this place! Now, c'mon, I gotta get some crap for Abby.” She led her party towards the toy section.
“OK, abandon all hope, ye who enter here, this is the girls section,” she told them.
“Waitaminnit,” said Nathan. “What THE FUCK is wrong with this GUITAR?” He held up an electric guitar that had, instead of a normal body, the face of an impassive cartoon rabbit.
“Oh, that's Functional Bunny,” said Raziel. “He (or she, I'm not sure) is the biggest thing in Japan.”
“Uh, what's his deal?”
“He has no deal. He has no characteristics at all. That's why he's so popular.”
“But, why don't they just make a fucking guitar?”
“Because, they don't think girls would play it.”
“But why would you wanna play it with this creepy RABBIT HEAD?”
“Look!” said Ganesh, who had been trailing behind. He proudly held up his cell phone. “Is that her hair? Or a hat? Or a wig?”
Raziel and Nathan took a look at the image displayed on his desktop. “Or it could be an ALIEN PARASITE!” Nathan guessed.
“Hrm, good guess,” agreed Raziel. “You gonna send it in?”
Ganesh was already gleefully punching the buttons.
“OK, this,” said Raziel, indicating a rather sparkly pink banner, “is the Pretty Pretty Princess aisle. You gentlemen needn't accompany me, if you don't wish to. VOLUNTEERS ONLY!”
Ganesh and Nathan stood at the threshold, looking in.
“It's so … pink,” marveled Nathan.
“And everything ... sparkles,” added Ganesh.
The two men exchanged a glance. “Do you think you are up to it, my friend?” asked Ganesh.
“I'm gonna need some CHICKEN YUM-YUMS,” noted Nathan.
“And rather a lot of martinis,” added Ganesh.
“OK, follow me!” said Raziel. “We gotta find Pretty Pretty Princess's best friend, Twirly Whirly Ballerina Deena.”
“Huh. How do you even tell this shit apart?” muttered Nathan.
“Perhaps one needs special glasses?” suggested Ganesh.
“Is this it?” asked Nathan, hefting a very pink box.
“No, that's her second best friend, Twinkly Winkly Mall Ratt Rhonda.”
Nathan donned his reading glasses. "'I love to shop and make cruel fun of girls who are less fashionably dressed than me,'" he read off the very pink, sparkly box.
“Well, at least that sounds like a workable life plan,” noted Ganesh.
“Huh. Well, here's the slot, but it looks like it's sold out. Damn,” said Raziel, regarding an empty space on the shelf. “Hey!" she said, waving a well-manicured hand at a blue-smocked Dream*Mart clerk. “Do you have any more of these Twirly Whirly Ballerina Deena dolls?”
“Everything we have is on the shelf,” muttered the passing drone in a soulless voice. She began to move off, but found her way blocked.
“We're looking for TWIRLY WHIRLY BALLERINA DEENA!” Nathan thundered at her. “You sure you don't got any more IN THE BACK?”
“I'll-” she stammered. “I'll check in the back.” She scurried off.
“What you gotta do to get service,” muttered Nathan.
“So, how was your Dream*Mart experience,” inquired Orula over fries and Chicken Yum Yums.
“We did great!” said Raziel. “Nathan got 'em to cough up a Ballerina Deena, and I got a My Little Demon from Hell starter kit for Liam.”
“And I found a Junior Ifa Home Voodoo Playset for Boon,” enthused Ganesh. “Plus I got at least sixteen cell phone camera shots!”
“Oi, what is that, Nathan my friend?” inquired Chango.
“Eh,” said Nathan, poking at the Functional Bunny guitar. “I decided Toki might like it. Or something. Hey, Ganesh, which Black Metal Suicide toy did you get with your Veggie Yum Yums?”
“Oh, I have Per Ohlin's gunshot wound. Would you like it?” asked the elephant god, holding up a little baggie full of plastic brain matter.
“You sure you don't want it for your kid?”
“Oh, heavens no! Boon really only likes playing with the Death Cult fries.”
“Thanks dude.”
“We have one of your images up on our home page right now, Ganesh!” said Orula, pushing around his laptop for all to see.
“WHOA!” said Nathan. “I didn't see that one!”
“Are those snakes alive?” asked Raziel.
“I believe so,” said Ganesh, extracting his cell phone. “You can see I took a little video.”
“We gotta come back!” said Nathan, popping some Death Cult Fries into his mouth. “This is the best store IN THE WORLD.”
“It's not technically in the world,” said Orula.
“That's OK,” said Nathan, “as long as they have Chicken Yum-Yums!”
Author: tikistitch
Rating: PG-13
Summary: A visit to a big box retailer in the Dreaming
Warnings: Cursing, poorly dressed shoppers, pink boxes
"A big box retailer in the dreamtime?" inquired Ganesh. "Tis, I suppose, a unique business opportunity. Although I personally prefer Target,” noted the elephant god, who pronounced the final word, "tar-jay."
"Trust me, Ganesha, you'll adore this place. It's the last word in fashion!" Raziel told him.
"Really?" asked Ganesh, a skeptical tone to his voice.
"Hey, they got a Dimmu Burger!" commented Nathan Explosion, the other rather large being who accompanied the small angel on her errand.
"Don't worry, dear, we'll stop for Death Cult Fries on the way out," she assured him.
"Can we get a Darkness of Eternity Meal?" he asked excitedly.
"Sure thing. Liam loves the Every Bone Broke Chicken Yum-Yums. Hey, look who's here!"
"Lady Raziel! How splendid to encounter you by happenstance!" said Orula, leaning down to receive air kisses from Raziel.
“I didn't know you guys shopped here!” she declared, giving more fake kisses to his partner, Chango.
“Oi, we don't shop as much as, you might say, monitor the sitchiation,” explained Chango, indicating a Macbook Air sitting out on the Dummu Burger table amid burger wrappers and Chicken Yum Yums.
“The Beings of Dream*Mart?” inquired Ganesh, regarding the screen.
“That's my favorite site!” gushed Raziel. “Is that you guys?” she whispered.
The two vodouisants nodded. “Under an alias, of course,” noted Orula.
“Wherever did you obtain these photographs?” asked Ganesh, scrolling through the images. “Couldn't this person locate his pants? Do they really make spandex in that color? And.... What is up with that hat?”
“'As Ganesh been here prior to this?” asked Chango, flipping his puce boa around his neck.
“No, he's a Dream*Mart virgin!” Raziel announced.
“You are in for a rare treat, my friend!” Orula told him, patting the elephant god on the back.
“We gotta go, I gotta pick up some crap for my kids. But we'll stop by on the way back,” Raziel told them.
“An', keep the cell phone camera ready!” Chango called after them. “Remember, it's BEINGSOFDREAMMART@GMAIL.COM, no dashes!”
Raziel grinned and held up her cell phone.
“Don't you want A SHOPPING BASKET, Raz?” asked Nathan.
“No, and you don't want one either! Rule number one of Dream*Mart shopping! If you get a basket, you just fill it up, and then you have to come back for another basket. No, only what you can carry. But, you can take as many pictures as you want!”
Nathan shrugged, but Ganesh continued to look skeptical. “I don't think I see the point-” But then he froze as he watched a shopper who had opted for a basket shuffle by.
“Was she.... Was she really only wearing body paint?” Ganesh asked after she had turned towards small appliances.
Raziel and Nathan were comparing their cell phone camera shots. “Oh, the Dethphone is really good for that kind of thing,” she said.
“Can I SEND MINE?” asked Nathan.
“It's a better shot, you go ahead,” Raziel told him.
“Why would someone- Why is she shopping- And why the newspaper hat?” stammered Ganesh.
“You're beginning to see the wonder of this place! Now, c'mon, I gotta get some crap for Abby.” She led her party towards the toy section.
“OK, abandon all hope, ye who enter here, this is the girls section,” she told them.
“Waitaminnit,” said Nathan. “What THE FUCK is wrong with this GUITAR?” He held up an electric guitar that had, instead of a normal body, the face of an impassive cartoon rabbit.
“Oh, that's Functional Bunny,” said Raziel. “He (or she, I'm not sure) is the biggest thing in Japan.”
“Uh, what's his deal?”
“He has no deal. He has no characteristics at all. That's why he's so popular.”
“But, why don't they just make a fucking guitar?”
“Because, they don't think girls would play it.”
“But why would you wanna play it with this creepy RABBIT HEAD?”
“Look!” said Ganesh, who had been trailing behind. He proudly held up his cell phone. “Is that her hair? Or a hat? Or a wig?”
Raziel and Nathan took a look at the image displayed on his desktop. “Or it could be an ALIEN PARASITE!” Nathan guessed.
“Hrm, good guess,” agreed Raziel. “You gonna send it in?”
Ganesh was already gleefully punching the buttons.
“OK, this,” said Raziel, indicating a rather sparkly pink banner, “is the Pretty Pretty Princess aisle. You gentlemen needn't accompany me, if you don't wish to. VOLUNTEERS ONLY!”
Ganesh and Nathan stood at the threshold, looking in.
“It's so … pink,” marveled Nathan.
“And everything ... sparkles,” added Ganesh.
The two men exchanged a glance. “Do you think you are up to it, my friend?” asked Ganesh.
“I'm gonna need some CHICKEN YUM-YUMS,” noted Nathan.
“And rather a lot of martinis,” added Ganesh.
“OK, follow me!” said Raziel. “We gotta find Pretty Pretty Princess's best friend, Twirly Whirly Ballerina Deena.”
“Huh. How do you even tell this shit apart?” muttered Nathan.
“Perhaps one needs special glasses?” suggested Ganesh.
“Is this it?” asked Nathan, hefting a very pink box.
“No, that's her second best friend, Twinkly Winkly Mall Ratt Rhonda.”
Nathan donned his reading glasses. "'I love to shop and make cruel fun of girls who are less fashionably dressed than me,'" he read off the very pink, sparkly box.
“Well, at least that sounds like a workable life plan,” noted Ganesh.
“Huh. Well, here's the slot, but it looks like it's sold out. Damn,” said Raziel, regarding an empty space on the shelf. “Hey!" she said, waving a well-manicured hand at a blue-smocked Dream*Mart clerk. “Do you have any more of these Twirly Whirly Ballerina Deena dolls?”
“Everything we have is on the shelf,” muttered the passing drone in a soulless voice. She began to move off, but found her way blocked.
“We're looking for TWIRLY WHIRLY BALLERINA DEENA!” Nathan thundered at her. “You sure you don't got any more IN THE BACK?”
“I'll-” she stammered. “I'll check in the back.” She scurried off.
“What you gotta do to get service,” muttered Nathan.
“So, how was your Dream*Mart experience,” inquired Orula over fries and Chicken Yum Yums.
“We did great!” said Raziel. “Nathan got 'em to cough up a Ballerina Deena, and I got a My Little Demon from Hell starter kit for Liam.”
“And I found a Junior Ifa Home Voodoo Playset for Boon,” enthused Ganesh. “Plus I got at least sixteen cell phone camera shots!”
“Oi, what is that, Nathan my friend?” inquired Chango.
“Eh,” said Nathan, poking at the Functional Bunny guitar. “I decided Toki might like it. Or something. Hey, Ganesh, which Black Metal Suicide toy did you get with your Veggie Yum Yums?”
“Oh, I have Per Ohlin's gunshot wound. Would you like it?” asked the elephant god, holding up a little baggie full of plastic brain matter.
“You sure you don't want it for your kid?”
“Oh, heavens no! Boon really only likes playing with the Death Cult fries.”
“Thanks dude.”
“We have one of your images up on our home page right now, Ganesh!” said Orula, pushing around his laptop for all to see.
“WHOA!” said Nathan. “I didn't see that one!”
“Are those snakes alive?” asked Raziel.
“I believe so,” said Ganesh, extracting his cell phone. “You can see I took a little video.”
“We gotta come back!” said Nathan, popping some Death Cult Fries into his mouth. “This is the best store IN THE WORLD.”
“It's not technically in the world,” said Orula.
“That's OK,” said Nathan, “as long as they have Chicken Yum-Yums!”
