Portraiture (Mythklok Interstitial)
May. 16th, 2011 07:46 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
tikificTitle: Portraiture (Mythklok Interstitial)
Author: tikistitch
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Artistic endeavors amongst the preschool set
Warnings: Slash, AU, OCs, swearing, EXTREME FLUFF
Notes: This happens a year or so down the road in the continuity.
“Yeah, I know, I know we gotta big female fandom. Thing is, I just dunno about a death metal band endorsing feminine hygiene products. And yeah, Murderpax is a pretty kick ass name. But even if we go with it, I’m not sure I could convince my guys….”
“Bidchure?”
Charles looked up from the phone to see the little fingers clutching his desk. “Could you hold on? I gotta nother call.”
Charles leaned over and pressed the MUTE button. “You wanna draw Daddy a picture?” he asked.
“Bidchure fo' daddy!"
“’Kay. C’mon. Up here.” Charles wheeled his chair back slightly and patted a leg, and Elias clambered into his lap and immediately set upon Charles’ laptop with a furious concentration.
“OK," Charles continued on the phone, "like I was sayin’, it’s a bad ass idea,” and here he ruffled Elias’s hair, grinning as the oblivious child failed to point out his pathological uncoolness. “Hey, I gotta idea! Maybe if we go with analgesics? You know, that crap you’re supposed to take to keep you from acting like a bloated bitch? What? Whaddya mean sexist? I love women! I was thinking I could give it to the fucking band – they’re always acting like a buncha bloated bitches, haha.” In time, Charles became distracted by happy thoughts of his bread and butter, and so lost track of what his young son was up to. But in time, as all good things must, his conversation had to come to an end.
“So, let’s see what you’ve done for Daddy," Charles told Elias, replacing the phone in its cradle and pulling the laptop closer. "Isn’t that- HOLY JESUS FUCK! Boon?”
The child nodded sweetly. “Bidchure fo' daddy!”
“Have you, uh… Have you uh, every actually…?”
“Hello, jaanu! I am not interrupting an important business conference am I?” asked Ganesh as he suddenly appeared in the office.
“Uh. Boon did a … thing,” Charles said, waving a hand at his laptop. Ganesh pulled the computer around to take a look.
“By my gods!” he said, snatching up the child. “What a truly marvelous grasp of anatomy you have, little one!” Elias giggled in appreciation.
“Anatomy. Huh. Are you sure legs can do that?”
“It is an amazing representation! Our child is a prodigy!”
“Not exactly something I could post on the fridge though.”
“In this place?” Ganesh snorted. “You are kidding, aren’t you? You have the real thing hanging off the fridge door more days than not.”
“Is that how you think he saw this?”
“Saw a nude woman? In Mordhaus?” Ganesh just stood looking skeptical.
“He’s not supposed to see stuff like this yet!”
“The human body is beautiful and natural!” Ganesh insisted.
“No it’s not! Boon, don’t listen to him,” he said, snatching the giggling child back. “No more nude women! Not ‘til you’re … 127 years old! At least!”
“Wut nude wimmin?” Pickles inquired as he and Skiwsgaar wandered aimlessly into Charles’ office.
“Our child is an accomplished portraiturist!” Ganesh gushed.
“Oh. C’uld yoo get braces fer dat?” Pickles inquired helpfully.
“Holies craps! Where ams dis fine ladies?” Skwisgaar inquired, peering lustfully into the laptop.
“She’s not onea yours?” Charles asked.
“I ams would have remembersed!” Skwisgaar vowed. “Where ams da kids gets da ladies? Hey, kid,” he said, addressing Boon, “Wheres … ams … ladypersons?”
“Petty lady!” Boon piped up. “Bidchure for daddy!”
“Ja, your dads ams gots da pictures, but nows Skwisgaars ams needs da hots ladies!”
“Hod lady!” giggled Boon.
“Pffft, I supposes you ams keeps her for yourselfs?” Skwisgaar sniffed.
"Skwisgaar, what the fuck would my TWO YEAR OLD do with a lady!"
"Same things every bodies ams does. Exceptsings maybes Ganoshes."
“Skwisgaar, we aren’t even entirely certain this portrait is based on a real person," Ganesh patiently explained. "It may, perhaps, be a composite!”
“Ja, dudes, I wants to composites her. Wit’ my dicks.”
“C’ld you do a pitcher of yer daddy?” Pickles asked Elias.
Elias nodded sweetly. “Daddy!” he said.
“Like, when he’s in da shower?”
Elias went for the laptop, which was quickly snatched away by Charles.
“My two year old is NOT doing nude portraits of me!”
“How do yoo know yoo were da daddy in question?” Pickles laughed.
"We should make a printed copy so we can have it framed," Ganesh said, seizing the laptop.
"I'm not printing it!" Charles insisted, nearly shutting the laptop on Ganesh's fingers. "It's probably illegal! In some states! And most counties!!"
"What's ILLEGAL?" boomed Nathan as he too wandered into Charles' office.
"Da kidses ams nots tells us where he ams keepsing da hots ladies!"
Nathan regarded the laptop. "Huh, so this is yours?" he asked Elias. He leaned over to address the child. "Not that I'm criticizing an artistic work, but do you think next time you could maybe make her with, you know, big tits?" Nathan demonstrated this request by holding out his hands to the approximate size of to watermelons stuck to his chest.
"Bid tits?" asked Elias.
"DON'T TALK TO HIM ABOUT TITS!" Charles shouted, suddenly covering a baffled Elias' ears with his hands.
"Sariel, women have mammary glands."
"He's too small!"
"Yeh, but wut are yoo gonna doo when he's a teenager?" Pickles laughed.
"He's not gonna be a teenager! HE'S A BABY! An' he's just gonna sit in my lap and draw me pictures!"
There was an awkward silence.
"Ah," said Charles, recovering slightly. "Anyway. I have calls. Lots and lots of calls. So just everybody get the fuck out and let me work."
The group exchanged glances, and started milling for the door.
"Would you like me to...?" inquired Ganesh, indicating Elias.
"No!" Charles snapped.
"Don't worry dood," Pickles whispered to Ganesh as they departed. "Sometimes da dood gets bloated, an' it makes him bitchy."
"I ams must finds dat hots ladies," Skwisgaar vowed.
"Didn't I just see a chick like that?" Nathan rumbled.
"Whats? Wheres?"
"Hanging out BY THE FRIDGE."
And then it was just Charles and Elias.
Charles looked at his son for a long moment. "So. You're gonna stay like is? For a while, right? Because, you know, my laptop is boring. And I need pictures."
"Bidchure?" asked Elias.
"Yeah. Daddy needs a picture."
"Bidchure!" Elias agreed, lunging for the laptop.
"But, ah...." Charles said. "How about an elephant this time?"
Elias looked puzzled. "Lelefun?" he asked.
"Yeah! That's it! Lelefun. Like you got from Auntie Sarasvati."
"Lelefun!" said Elias, grasping the laptop.
Charles grabbed the phone from its cradle. He looked at Elias, and then the phone.
And then he sat the phone back in its cradle.
"Yeah, that's it," he said. "Lelefun."
"Lelefun!" giggled Boon. And set to drawing.
Author: tikistitch
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Artistic endeavors amongst the preschool set
Warnings: Slash, AU, OCs, swearing, EXTREME FLUFF
Notes: This happens a year or so down the road in the continuity.
“Yeah, I know, I know we gotta big female fandom. Thing is, I just dunno about a death metal band endorsing feminine hygiene products. And yeah, Murderpax is a pretty kick ass name. But even if we go with it, I’m not sure I could convince my guys….”
“Bidchure?”
Charles looked up from the phone to see the little fingers clutching his desk. “Could you hold on? I gotta nother call.”
Charles leaned over and pressed the MUTE button. “You wanna draw Daddy a picture?” he asked.
“Bidchure fo' daddy!"
“’Kay. C’mon. Up here.” Charles wheeled his chair back slightly and patted a leg, and Elias clambered into his lap and immediately set upon Charles’ laptop with a furious concentration.
“OK," Charles continued on the phone, "like I was sayin’, it’s a bad ass idea,” and here he ruffled Elias’s hair, grinning as the oblivious child failed to point out his pathological uncoolness. “Hey, I gotta idea! Maybe if we go with analgesics? You know, that crap you’re supposed to take to keep you from acting like a bloated bitch? What? Whaddya mean sexist? I love women! I was thinking I could give it to the fucking band – they’re always acting like a buncha bloated bitches, haha.” In time, Charles became distracted by happy thoughts of his bread and butter, and so lost track of what his young son was up to. But in time, as all good things must, his conversation had to come to an end.
“So, let’s see what you’ve done for Daddy," Charles told Elias, replacing the phone in its cradle and pulling the laptop closer. "Isn’t that- HOLY JESUS FUCK! Boon?”
The child nodded sweetly. “Bidchure fo' daddy!”
“Have you, uh… Have you uh, every actually…?”
“Hello, jaanu! I am not interrupting an important business conference am I?” asked Ganesh as he suddenly appeared in the office.
“Uh. Boon did a … thing,” Charles said, waving a hand at his laptop. Ganesh pulled the computer around to take a look.
“By my gods!” he said, snatching up the child. “What a truly marvelous grasp of anatomy you have, little one!” Elias giggled in appreciation.
“Anatomy. Huh. Are you sure legs can do that?”
“It is an amazing representation! Our child is a prodigy!”
“Not exactly something I could post on the fridge though.”
“In this place?” Ganesh snorted. “You are kidding, aren’t you? You have the real thing hanging off the fridge door more days than not.”
“Is that how you think he saw this?”
“Saw a nude woman? In Mordhaus?” Ganesh just stood looking skeptical.
“He’s not supposed to see stuff like this yet!”
“The human body is beautiful and natural!” Ganesh insisted.
“No it’s not! Boon, don’t listen to him,” he said, snatching the giggling child back. “No more nude women! Not ‘til you’re … 127 years old! At least!”
“Wut nude wimmin?” Pickles inquired as he and Skiwsgaar wandered aimlessly into Charles’ office.
“Our child is an accomplished portraiturist!” Ganesh gushed.
“Oh. C’uld yoo get braces fer dat?” Pickles inquired helpfully.
“Holies craps! Where ams dis fine ladies?” Skwisgaar inquired, peering lustfully into the laptop.
“She’s not onea yours?” Charles asked.
“I ams would have remembersed!” Skwisgaar vowed. “Where ams da kids gets da ladies? Hey, kid,” he said, addressing Boon, “Wheres … ams … ladypersons?”
“Petty lady!” Boon piped up. “Bidchure for daddy!”
“Ja, your dads ams gots da pictures, but nows Skwisgaars ams needs da hots ladies!”
“Hod lady!” giggled Boon.
“Pffft, I supposes you ams keeps her for yourselfs?” Skwisgaar sniffed.
"Skwisgaar, what the fuck would my TWO YEAR OLD do with a lady!"
"Same things every bodies ams does. Exceptsings maybes Ganoshes."
“Skwisgaar, we aren’t even entirely certain this portrait is based on a real person," Ganesh patiently explained. "It may, perhaps, be a composite!”
“Ja, dudes, I wants to composites her. Wit’ my dicks.”
“C’ld you do a pitcher of yer daddy?” Pickles asked Elias.
Elias nodded sweetly. “Daddy!” he said.
“Like, when he’s in da shower?”
Elias went for the laptop, which was quickly snatched away by Charles.
“My two year old is NOT doing nude portraits of me!”
“How do yoo know yoo were da daddy in question?” Pickles laughed.
"We should make a printed copy so we can have it framed," Ganesh said, seizing the laptop.
"I'm not printing it!" Charles insisted, nearly shutting the laptop on Ganesh's fingers. "It's probably illegal! In some states! And most counties!!"
"What's ILLEGAL?" boomed Nathan as he too wandered into Charles' office.
"Da kidses ams nots tells us where he ams keepsing da hots ladies!"
Nathan regarded the laptop. "Huh, so this is yours?" he asked Elias. He leaned over to address the child. "Not that I'm criticizing an artistic work, but do you think next time you could maybe make her with, you know, big tits?" Nathan demonstrated this request by holding out his hands to the approximate size of to watermelons stuck to his chest.
"Bid tits?" asked Elias.
"DON'T TALK TO HIM ABOUT TITS!" Charles shouted, suddenly covering a baffled Elias' ears with his hands.
"Sariel, women have mammary glands."
"He's too small!"
"Yeh, but wut are yoo gonna doo when he's a teenager?" Pickles laughed.
"He's not gonna be a teenager! HE'S A BABY! An' he's just gonna sit in my lap and draw me pictures!"
There was an awkward silence.
"Ah," said Charles, recovering slightly. "Anyway. I have calls. Lots and lots of calls. So just everybody get the fuck out and let me work."
The group exchanged glances, and started milling for the door.
"Would you like me to...?" inquired Ganesh, indicating Elias.
"No!" Charles snapped.
"Don't worry dood," Pickles whispered to Ganesh as they departed. "Sometimes da dood gets bloated, an' it makes him bitchy."
"I ams must finds dat hots ladies," Skwisgaar vowed.
"Didn't I just see a chick like that?" Nathan rumbled.
"Whats? Wheres?"
"Hanging out BY THE FRIDGE."
And then it was just Charles and Elias.
Charles looked at his son for a long moment. "So. You're gonna stay like is? For a while, right? Because, you know, my laptop is boring. And I need pictures."
"Bidchure?" asked Elias.
"Yeah. Daddy needs a picture."
"Bidchure!" Elias agreed, lunging for the laptop.
"But, ah...." Charles said. "How about an elephant this time?"
Elias looked puzzled. "Lelefun?" he asked.
"Yeah! That's it! Lelefun. Like you got from Auntie Sarasvati."
"Lelefun!" said Elias, grasping the laptop.
Charles grabbed the phone from its cradle. He looked at Elias, and then the phone.
And then he sat the phone back in its cradle.
"Yeah, that's it," he said. "Lelefun."
"Lelefun!" giggled Boon. And set to drawing.
