Women (Mythklok Interstitial)
Nov. 27th, 2010 05:21 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
tikificTitle: Women (Mythklok karaoke night)
Author: tikistitch
Rating: PG-13
Summary: A thoughtful discussion of the fairer sex
Warnings: AU, OCs
Notes: Some weird crack-y stuff that takes place in the Metal'pse AU in my head. I have no idea where this came from. And now I'm going back to watching Now, Voyager.
EDIT: Also added an even stupider bit to the end.
WOMEN (Mythklok Karaoke Night)
“How long has it been now?” Nathan asked.
Ofdensen pulled his head off the bar just long enough to glance at his Vacheron Constantin.
“Uhhhhhhh. A long time. A long … long long long time,” he muttered. His forehead felt very good on the bar. Yes, very good thank you.
“You’d think, these immortal dudes, that one of ‘em would have a FUCKING SINGING VOICE.”
It was time for the chorus. Once again.
“WITH YOU I’M NOT SHY!” howled Lord Shiva, the four-armed Hindu God of Destruction.
“TO SHOW THE WAY I FEEL!” wailed Lady Raziel of the Seraphim. In a completely different key. That was apparently not of this earth.
“WITH YOU I’M NOT SHY!” howled Shiva.
“MY SECRETS TO REVEAL!” wailed Raziel.
“FOR YOOOOO ARE A MAGNET,
AND I AM STEEEEEEEEEEEEL!” they blared together, sounding somewhat like Yoko Ono being eaten by a pack of weasels. Only louder.
“By god in heaven I HATE KARAOKE NIGHT,” Nathan growled.
“What’s happening here?” asked King Wotan, striding into the bar.
“Lord Shiva and I are performing a soaring karaoke version of the very famous human song of love and devotion, ‘Magnet and Steel’ to the appreciation of all assembled,” Lady Raziel eagerly told to her boyfriend.
“That sounds SPLENDID, my pet” boomed the Norse god. He reached up on to the stage and slung his small angelic girlfriend over his shoulder. She hiccupped.
“I believe my Lady and I are ready to retire!” the head of the Norse pantheon told the group assembled at the bar, giving the Lady in question a small pat on the rump to emphasize the point. She responded by hiccupping rather loudly. “Good night to you all.”
“Eye yam STEEeeeEEEeeeEEEL….. HIC!” sang Lady Raziel by way of goodbye.
“Now THAT,” declared Nathan, pointing after the retreating couple, “THAT is how you TREAT A WOMAN.” Getting no response, he gave his manager a friendly pat on the back.
“Huh?” slurred Ofdensen. He leaned just a bit too far back in his chair, and definitely would have fallen over backwards if Nathan had not kicked the chair back with his foot.
“THAT’S HOW YOU TREAT A WOMAN!” Nathan emphasized at somewhat higher volume. “You been with a woman, RIGHT CHARLES?”
“Howling creatures of eternal nightmare,” muttered Ofdensen, slumping onto his elbow.
“YOU HAVE BEEN WITH A WOMAN!” cheered Nathan, tossing back his drink.
“Women….” Ofdensen began, waving a finger to emphasize a very important point.
“Women what?” Nathan urged, refilling his manger’s glass.
“Uhhhhh. I dunno. What were you, ah, gonna say?”
“Women?”
“Yeah. Women.”
“Why aren’t they RATIONAL? Like US?”
“They should be more, uh, more, uh, like us. And then…. Then they would be, uh, more like us!”
“EXACTLY. THAT’S MY POINT.”
“What’s yer point?” Pickles asked, suddenly dropping into the seat beside Ofdensen. The startled manager pitched backwards, and would have fallen, had Nathan not stamped down the legs of his chair.
“Women!” growled Nathan.
“Women,” Ofdensen muttered into the countertop.
“Yeah! Why can’t dey be more like us?”
“They aren’t like us,” Ofdensen began, “because they’re, ah, not. Like us.”
“No. Dey’re not!”
A blue Hindu god was suddenly hovering over the bar. “The Lord Shiva esteems karaoke! But he has lost his partner! And cannot perform ‘Don’t You Want Me,’ the famous song by The Human League.”
“Thank you, God, for small mercies,” muttered Ofdensen.
“'Don’t You Want Me' is a LAME KARAOKE SONG,” Nathan opined.
“What karaoke song would you prefer, Nathan Explosion of the Dethklok?” asked the blue Hindu god, folding two sets of arms for emphasis.
“Huh. Lemme check,” said Nathan, mooching over to the karaoke machine.
“Noooo, Nat’an!” yelled Pickles. “Shiva dood, all karaoke songs are lame! Yoo make dem lame by bein’ karaoke!”
“Women…” muttered Ofdensen.
Then, a long … long long long time later….
“YOU WERE FLAT!”
“Was uh… Was not! Definitely, uh, definitely was not.”
“Nat’an, dood, yer comin’ in too soon!”
“Shiva demands that his chorus try it again! And perform it correctly this time!”
And then the bar was once again awash in a celebrated human song of love and longing.
“WHOA! WE’RE HALFWAY THERE!
WHOA! LIVIN’ ON A PRAYER!
TAKE MY HAND AND WE’LL MAKE IT I SWEAR
WHOA! LIVIN ON A PRAYER!”
"I ams hates karaoke night," Skwisgaar groused from the bar.
"But singings ams way cools!" Toki blurbled, checking the evenness of his slip stitches.
"Livings on da Prayers. Bah! Dat song ams dildos! And it ams wrongs for Nathans!"
"Ja?"
"Now, Totals Eclipses of da Hearts, dats ams goods karaokes!"
Toki cast off and considered. "So. Ams you gonna sings it now, Skwisgaar?"
"Nah, Tokis, I ams not drunks enough."
"HEY BARTENDERS!" Toki suddenly screamed. "We ams needs exactly one hundreds beers here RIGHTS NOW!"
Author: tikistitch
Rating: PG-13
Summary: A thoughtful discussion of the fairer sex
Warnings: AU, OCs
Notes: Some weird crack-y stuff that takes place in the Metal'pse AU in my head. I have no idea where this came from. And now I'm going back to watching Now, Voyager.
EDIT: Also added an even stupider bit to the end.
WOMEN (Mythklok Karaoke Night)
“How long has it been now?” Nathan asked.
Ofdensen pulled his head off the bar just long enough to glance at his Vacheron Constantin.
“Uhhhhhhh. A long time. A long … long long long time,” he muttered. His forehead felt very good on the bar. Yes, very good thank you.
“You’d think, these immortal dudes, that one of ‘em would have a FUCKING SINGING VOICE.”
It was time for the chorus. Once again.
“WITH YOU I’M NOT SHY!” howled Lord Shiva, the four-armed Hindu God of Destruction.
“TO SHOW THE WAY I FEEL!” wailed Lady Raziel of the Seraphim. In a completely different key. That was apparently not of this earth.
“WITH YOU I’M NOT SHY!” howled Shiva.
“MY SECRETS TO REVEAL!” wailed Raziel.
“FOR YOOOOO ARE A MAGNET,
AND I AM STEEEEEEEEEEEEL!” they blared together, sounding somewhat like Yoko Ono being eaten by a pack of weasels. Only louder.
“By god in heaven I HATE KARAOKE NIGHT,” Nathan growled.
“What’s happening here?” asked King Wotan, striding into the bar.
“Lord Shiva and I are performing a soaring karaoke version of the very famous human song of love and devotion, ‘Magnet and Steel’ to the appreciation of all assembled,” Lady Raziel eagerly told to her boyfriend.
“That sounds SPLENDID, my pet” boomed the Norse god. He reached up on to the stage and slung his small angelic girlfriend over his shoulder. She hiccupped.
“I believe my Lady and I are ready to retire!” the head of the Norse pantheon told the group assembled at the bar, giving the Lady in question a small pat on the rump to emphasize the point. She responded by hiccupping rather loudly. “Good night to you all.”
“Eye yam STEEeeeEEEeeeEEEL….. HIC!” sang Lady Raziel by way of goodbye.
“Now THAT,” declared Nathan, pointing after the retreating couple, “THAT is how you TREAT A WOMAN.” Getting no response, he gave his manager a friendly pat on the back.
“Huh?” slurred Ofdensen. He leaned just a bit too far back in his chair, and definitely would have fallen over backwards if Nathan had not kicked the chair back with his foot.
“THAT’S HOW YOU TREAT A WOMAN!” Nathan emphasized at somewhat higher volume. “You been with a woman, RIGHT CHARLES?”
“Howling creatures of eternal nightmare,” muttered Ofdensen, slumping onto his elbow.
“YOU HAVE BEEN WITH A WOMAN!” cheered Nathan, tossing back his drink.
“Women….” Ofdensen began, waving a finger to emphasize a very important point.
“Women what?” Nathan urged, refilling his manger’s glass.
“Uhhhhh. I dunno. What were you, ah, gonna say?”
“Women?”
“Yeah. Women.”
“Why aren’t they RATIONAL? Like US?”
“They should be more, uh, more, uh, like us. And then…. Then they would be, uh, more like us!”
“EXACTLY. THAT’S MY POINT.”
“What’s yer point?” Pickles asked, suddenly dropping into the seat beside Ofdensen. The startled manager pitched backwards, and would have fallen, had Nathan not stamped down the legs of his chair.
“Women!” growled Nathan.
“Women,” Ofdensen muttered into the countertop.
“Yeah! Why can’t dey be more like us?”
“They aren’t like us,” Ofdensen began, “because they’re, ah, not. Like us.”
“No. Dey’re not!”
A blue Hindu god was suddenly hovering over the bar. “The Lord Shiva esteems karaoke! But he has lost his partner! And cannot perform ‘Don’t You Want Me,’ the famous song by The Human League.”
“Thank you, God, for small mercies,” muttered Ofdensen.
“'Don’t You Want Me' is a LAME KARAOKE SONG,” Nathan opined.
“What karaoke song would you prefer, Nathan Explosion of the Dethklok?” asked the blue Hindu god, folding two sets of arms for emphasis.
“Huh. Lemme check,” said Nathan, mooching over to the karaoke machine.
“Noooo, Nat’an!” yelled Pickles. “Shiva dood, all karaoke songs are lame! Yoo make dem lame by bein’ karaoke!”
“Women…” muttered Ofdensen.
Then, a long … long long long time later….
“YOU WERE FLAT!”
“Was uh… Was not! Definitely, uh, definitely was not.”
“Nat’an, dood, yer comin’ in too soon!”
“Shiva demands that his chorus try it again! And perform it correctly this time!”
And then the bar was once again awash in a celebrated human song of love and longing.
“WHOA! WE’RE HALFWAY THERE!
WHOA! LIVIN’ ON A PRAYER!
TAKE MY HAND AND WE’LL MAKE IT I SWEAR
WHOA! LIVIN ON A PRAYER!”
"I ams hates karaoke night," Skwisgaar groused from the bar.
"But singings ams way cools!" Toki blurbled, checking the evenness of his slip stitches.
"Livings on da Prayers. Bah! Dat song ams dildos! And it ams wrongs for Nathans!"
"Ja?"
"Now, Totals Eclipses of da Hearts, dats ams goods karaokes!"
Toki cast off and considered. "So. Ams you gonna sings it now, Skwisgaar?"
"Nah, Tokis, I ams not drunks enough."
"HEY BARTENDERS!" Toki suddenly screamed. "We ams needs exactly one hundreds beers here RIGHTS NOW!"
