tikific | Separate but Equal

Title: Separate but Equal (Mythklok Interstitial)
Author: tikistitch
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Sheeps and Hobbits
Warnings: Slash, AU, OCs, swearing
Notes: Mostly silly. In fact, all silly.

Separate but Equal (Mythklok Interstitial)
With apologies to Thurgood Marshall.

"New Fucking Zealand," grumbled Sariel, whacking an unruly Kiwi with the hilt of his sword.

"It's kind of pretty here!" Raziel enthused, sending a tiny elbow into the jaw of yet another rioting New Zealander.

"And you said Ganesh told you to go gadding about in that Form?" Sariel asked.

"Oh, yes!" Raziel was in her small winged form, which she emphasized by flapping her small, dark wings. Which also sent another couple of New Zealanders of malicious intent sprawling. "He thinks since this is evidently my actual True Form that it's good for the babies."

Sariel frowned, rounded and kicked a passing local, who was waving a broken beer bottle, in the neck. "Sounds like more new age crystal crap to me." Sariel had his wings out as well, as it just seemed a bit rude to let Raziel walk around alone like that. Even though, well, she was Raziel.

"It feels refreshing, letting the sea air ruffle through your wings," Raziel grinned, jumping up to simultaneously kick down two onrushing Kiwis. She landed and patted her tummy.

"Yeah, but, Raziel, don't you think we might be attracting, well, some unwanted attention?" He momentarily crouched down, sending a man who was trying to rush him from the back flying 20 feet.

"They're definitely in a playful mood!" Raziel grinned. "It was great of you guys to do a benefit concert here!"

"Eh. It's a tax deduction." They had reached the backstage door at the concert venue. Sariel displayed his laminated pass to the attendant.

"You two can't come in here," the attendant growled. He was large, for a human, and attempted to loom over them.

"Why the fuck not?" Sariel asked. "I gotta fucking pass."

"Yer kind don't go through this door. Angel entrance is down that way." He hiked a thumb. Curious, Raziel started to walk in that direction.

"The WHAT?" sputtered Sariel.

"Angel entrance. Humans only through this door."

Sariel was ready to go thermonuclear. "Your country was fucking DESTROYED. And now you waste your fucking time building ANGEL ONLY ENTRANCES?"

"Sorry. That angel entrance doesn't work any more," Raziel told them, walking back up.

Sariel looked down from where she had just come. There was smoke. And fire.

"I may have bumped it!" Raziel said sweetly, twirling her laminated pass. "Who are you calling, Sariel?"

"The promoter. Murray! Get your Kiwi fucking ass down here NOW!"

"What's goin' on, doods!" Pickles asked, as Dethklok ambled up.

"It'sch getting closch to schow time, why aren't you inschide, Ofdenschen?"

"Because I can't go through this fucking entrance."

"Oh, well, maybe if you take your wings down you'll fit," Nathan reasoned.

"Or he ams goes in sideways!" Skwisgaar helpfully proposed.

"They will not let me through this entrance because is am a SECOND CLASS CITIZEN."

"Well, of New Zealand," Raziel grinned.

"Yes! I am a second class citizen of NEW FUCKING ZEALAND! Along with the fucking sheep and Hobbits!"

"Who's fucking sheeps and Hobbits?" Murray, who had just arrived asked. "Thet's not naybourly, Charles."

"You know what's not fucking neighborly? They won't let me in the fucking venue because I'm a fucking angel!"

"Now, don't take it personally!" Murray urged.

"How am I supposed to take it?"

"We here in New Zealand just don't tayke to angels. Shifty bahstards, they are!"

"Shifty...? We've just had a dozen of your citizens come try and whack us - a pregnant woman - with broken beer bottles."

"Now, that ain't right," Murray agreed. "Should only use intact bottles on the preggers."

"That's very respectful," agreed Raziel.

"Now, we like you bettah than the Aussies," Murray assured him.

"Oh, ja, Austrians ams da doubles dealers," Skwisgaar agreed.

"Yoo know who yoo can't trust?" Pickles asked. "People from Sout' Dakota."

"Oh, yeah, they're the worscht," Murderface agreed. "And you know who elsche? People who schtir their cocktailsch with their fingersch."

"Definitely, there's whole clahsses of people we can't trust!" agreed Murray. "Obviously, this whole separate entrance thing needs to be rethought. I'm dialing the Prime Ministah!"

"You'll abolish the separate entrances?" Sariel asked.

"No, of course not! We'd bettah design some separate entrances for all the shifty buggahs! Oh, hello Prime Ministah!" The Prime Minister had just stuck his head out of the backstage entrance. He was holding a broken beer bottle.

"The Prime Minister goes to our shows?" Nathan enthused. "Awesome!"

"Yeah, but, it's just the Prime Minister of New Fucking Zealand," Charles explained.

"Oh, that sucks," Nathan readily agreed.

"I'm laiking your thinkin', Murray," the Prime Minister was saying. "And shell we also have separate entrances for fucking sheeps and Hobbits?"

"And for people who are fucking sheeps and Hobbits!" agreed Murray.

"That ain't naybourly," grumbled the Prime Minister.

"And what about broken beer bottles," Raziel reminded them, pointing at the Prime Minister's bottle. "I'm a pregnant lady!"

"That's a kepital idea, young laidy!" agreed the Prime Minister. "Unfortunately, thet means I can't go back and see the show. I've got a brewken beer bottle raight now!"

"Oh, ja," said Skwisgaar, "I ams gots da broken beer bottles too."

"Why do you guys all have broken beer bottles?" Sariel asked.

"Dood, dey give dem to yoo in Customs," Pickles noted.

"Welcome to New Zealand. HERE'S YOUR BROKEN BEER BOTTLE!" Nathan declared.

"Schtay away from pregnant ladiesch!" Murderface concluded.

"Uh, Prime Minister," Sariel ventured, "can't you just put down the broken beer bottle and go in?"

"I'm nawt puttin' down the beer bottle! What if I meet one of them shifty angels?"

"Well, there's that," Sariel agreed, fluttering his wings in irritation.

"Nothing for it," said Murray. "Going to the concert will be a logistical nightmare. Sounds like we'll all just have to go to the bar instead!"

"How the fuck are we gonna get into the bar I'd we can't get into the fucking concert hall?" Sariel reasonably asked.

"There's no separate entrances on a bar, my lad," the Prime Minister assured him.

"Oh? Why not?"

"Well, that would be just silly, wouldn't it?"

And so they all went drinking, except for Raziel, who was a pregnant lady, so she amused herself by whacking people (and sheeps and Hobbits, as the Lady did not discriminate) with an unbroken beer bottle.