The Black Plague (Mythklok Interstitial)
Dec. 20th, 2010 01:06 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
tikificTitle: The Black Plague (Mythklok Interstitial)
Author: tikistitch
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Charles and Raziel discuss women’s fashion in medieval Verona
Warnings: Slash, het, AU, OCs, swearing, smoking.
Notes: THIS IS ABSOLUTELY, POSITIVELY AND COMPLETELY NOT SEASONAL IN ANY WAY, SHAPE OR FORM. I’ve given this a PG-13, ‘cause there’s not really any of teh sechs (as Charles seems a bit baffled by how to open a bodice), but the cursing is pretty heavy, even for me, and there’s a fair amount of casual violence.
Cross-posted to![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-community.gif)
capslokdethklok.
The Fifteenth Century….
Sariel, who would not go by the name Charles Ofdensen for at least five more centuries, had decided most conclusively that he hated the Middle Ages.
He mouthed a silent curse at Lady Penelope’s bodice strings. He did enjoy fucking women – lord knows he did – but god damn, what a bloody menace it had become! Nothing like the Roman Empire. Now, those ladies knew how to dress! A couple of tugs at the robe, and voila! Tits! That’s how women’s clothing oughta work, dammit. When had they stopped being clothed by seamstresses and started up with the engineering features?
“HI SARIEL!”
Oh fucking bloody hell.
“Raziel, this is a really, really, really, really bad time!” he grumbled, not bothering to look up from Lady Penelope’s hopelessly knotted bodice laces.
“What witchcraft is this?” remarked the aforesaid Lady Penelope, upon seeing a little angel suddenly appear in her bedchamber.
“Wouldja quit squirming?” Sariel grumbled. “I think I’m almost through this.”
“Hi, I’m Raziel! What’s your name?” asked the little angel agreeably.
Lady Penelope jerked up and grabbed Sariel’s broadsword.
“Oh, don’t do that,” he huffed.
“Begone, demon from Hades!” Lady Penelope sang, swinging the blade towards Raziel, who smiled and made a little flicking motion with her fingers. Lady Penelope suddenly went sprawling back on the bed.
"Well, that one is a bit rude," sniffed Raziel.
"Raziel, you have interrupted us during a rather intimate moment."
"Hrmf," the small angel tutted, surveying the supine form of Lady Penelope. “Doesn't look like you've gotten terribly intimate to me. Having trouble with the bodice?"
"No, I was not having trouble with the bodice! What the fuck are you doing here?"
"I was in the neighborhood, and it didn’t seem like there’s too much Black Plague going around right now, so I thought I'd come by and say hi to my Little Brother!"
"Hi! OK, now will you go?"
"Sure!" said Raziel, waving a hand at Lady Penelope. "So, I guess you don't want to hear my gossip from the Capulets?"
"Cursed abomination!" shrieked the newly freed Lady Penelope, hefting Sariel's sword again.
"Wait!" said Sariel, flicking his hand at Lady Penelope, who went crashing back down upon the bed. "What do you know about the Capulets?"
"Pretty much everything," grinned Raziel, hopping on the bed next to Lady Penelope's struggling form. "I'm fucking their prime minister!"
Sariel stared at her. "You mean we are currently using our cold hearted powers of manipulation on feuding clans?"
Raziel frowned skeptically, peeking up Penelope’s skirt. "I don't know. How do you think you're manipulating the Montagues?"
"You see this?" inquired Sariel, indicating Lady Penelope.
"It's sort of hard to miss."
"She is the king's mistress!"
“Soooo…?”
“So! I whisper in her ear, she whispers in the king’s ear….”
Raziel shook her head. “Seems like there’s a certain element of uncertainty to this evil plan.”
“I will take an evil mistress over an evil prime minister any day!” Sariel declared. “Women are just plain more evil!”
Raziel glowered. “There’s not going to be a word for what that statement is for many centuries, but, whenever they figure it out, your statement is exactly that!”
“Well, anyway, can we talk about it … later?”
“All right. I’ll let you get back to whatever it is you think you were up to.”
“I was up to the usual! It’s just…. OK. What’s up with these fucking bodices?”
“Oh, bodices are a sinch. Here, let Big Sis show you how!” And so saying, Raziel grabbed Sariel’s broadsword and skillfully flicked the blade across Lady Penelope’s bodice strings, which cooperatively fell open.
“See? There ya go!”
“Raziel,” said Sariel, pointing an accusing finger, “you just ruined her bodice.”
“Eh. She’s rich. She’ll buy another.” She handed the sword back to Sariel. “Trust me, this one will like it.” She winked and disappeared.
Sariel stood, holding the sword, staring at the space where Raziel had disappeared for a moment.
“I suppose you are going to RAVISH me now, sir!” Lady Penelope called from the bed.
“Oh, sorry,” he said, distractedly releasing her.
“Oh,” protested Lady Penelope, “I can just see you’re going to use your wicked magic on me now.”
“Huh?” asked Sariel, still musing. “Uh, I wasn’t intending….”
“You are a wicked, wicked man, who simply wants to RAVISH me!” Lady Penelope persisted.
Sariel looked over at her. He frowned and flicked his hand. Lady Penelope was thrown back on the bed.
She began to moan. “You wicked, wicked man!”
Sariel arched an eyebrow.
“So. She evidently likes being ravished,” said Sariel, sipping his beer. They were sitting at an inn situated more or less directly between the feuding Capulets and Montagues.
“Well, of course she does! Why do you think she’s wearing that stupid bodice?” grinned Raziel.
“Women are strange.”
“And men aren’t?” Raziel looked up to see a man in Capulet colors in a heated discussion with another in Montague colors up at the bar.
“Anyway, I don’t know how long this can last.”
“Whaddya mean?”
“Well, it’s expecting a lot,” Sariel ticked off on his fingers, “using the constraining spell, ravishing her, not to mention that stupid bodice.”
“So, you feel like you’re doing all the work in the relationship?” The arguing Capulet and Montague men had now drawn swords.
“Exactly!” He sipped his beer, considering. “Soooo,” he said, “what is that prime minister like?”
“Sariel! You are not going to steal my evil boyfriend! He is both attractive and malicious! Do you realize how difficult it is finding a man like that?”
“That’s a bit selfish,” Sariel scolded. He grabbed up his beer glass just before the Capulet/Montague argument crashed into their table, overturning it.
Ignoring the feuding men now grappling between them, and cradling her own beer stein, Raziel glared at Sariel. But then sat back and sighed. “Yeah, to be honest, I’m not sure how much longer I can sustain this.”
“What’s the problem?” The Montague retainer had punched the Capulet, sending him sprawling elsewhere across the inn. He sprang up to pursue his foe.
“He’s just so obsessed with revenge against the Montagues. It's always vengeance this, vengeance that. And I’m like, but what about me? What about my needs?”
“Maybe he’s not in a place in his life where he’s ready for a relationship,” Sariel counseled.
“Well, maybe so,” mused Raziel.
“By the way, did we ever figure out what caused the feud?”
“Oh, I don’t know! Humans are so touchy sometimes!”
“Hey!” said Sariel. There was a moan, and the Montague man sank down between them, Capulet sword now sticking out of his abdomen.
“I know that look!" said Raziel. "You just thought of something evil, didn’t you?”
“What about, we get your prime minister together with Lady Penelope?"
“Hrm. That might work.” The Capulet man swooped in for the kill, but was rewarded by the Montague’s last gasp thrust of a sword, right through his heart
“Does the minister know how to work a bodice?”
“Ooo, yesssss,” grinned Raziel. The Capulet man moaned, and fell, dead, upon the expiring Montague.
“Anyway. Wanna get outta here?” asked Sariel, grabbing a sword from one of the nearby fresh corpses.
“Yeah, I’m feeling a bit peckish,” said Raziel, extracting the other sword, being careful to wipe the blood on the Capulet’s garments.
“I’ve heard the inn down the road has good suckling pig.”
“And not too much feuding?”
“We’ll grab a table in the non-feuding section.”
The battlefield was a place of unimaginable carnage.
Two angels walked amongst the mangled corpses.
“Well,” commented Raziel, “this was unexpected!”
“What happened to the minister and Penelope?” Sariel asked.
“Murder suicide. Or maybe suicide murder?”
“Raziel! How can you have a suicide murder?”
“He was found strangled in her bodice strings."
"I thought you said he knew how to work a bodice?"
"Evidently, they are trickier than I had thought."
"I told you those things were a hazard!"
"But you know one thing!" Raziel commented, toeing one of the many rotting corpses. "We finally ended the Capulet/Montague feud!"
"As there is no one left to feud,” Sariel mused, “I would say, that is correct."
"So, we have done our angelic good deed!" Raziel grinned.
"Verona definitely has felt our impact. Are you heading off now?"
"I thought I'd check out Japan," Raziel declared. "Wanna come? No bodices!"
"Raziel! Have you ever tried to get someone out of a kimono?"
"Well, what would you suggest?"
"Scotland!"
Raziel arched an eyebrow.
The present day….
“Sariel?” asked Lord Ganesh.
Sariel had actually gone by the name Charles Ofdensen now for many decades. But he was fine with the Hindu god calling him by most any name he pleased. Especially as long as he kept up with the shiatsu massage on his neck. "Yes, right there," he urged.
Ganesh was pressing on the angel’s spinal column with three of his four hands. He wasn’t exactly certain how one person had managed to get their chakras so far out of alignment.
“I pray I am not being too inquisitive,” Ganesh asked, “As you know, prior to the weekend I spent in the company of your band, I had not had relations with female beings for many centuries. I believe, however, you have enjoyed these encounters…?”
“Women are just too goddam much work!” the angel declared.
“You mean, the relationship?”
“If they don’t give you plague, you’ll just end up strangled in their bodice strings. That’s what I say!”
Ganesh frowned and pressed down on the spot between Sariel’s second and third cervical vertebrae. “Uh-huh,” the Hindu god said.
“And don’t get me started on the ravishing!” Sariel continued.
Angels, Lord Ganesh decided, were weird.
Author: tikistitch
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Charles and Raziel discuss women’s fashion in medieval Verona
Warnings: Slash, het, AU, OCs, swearing, smoking.
Notes: THIS IS ABSOLUTELY, POSITIVELY AND COMPLETELY NOT SEASONAL IN ANY WAY, SHAPE OR FORM. I’ve given this a PG-13, ‘cause there’s not really any of teh sechs (as Charles seems a bit baffled by how to open a bodice), but the cursing is pretty heavy, even for me, and there’s a fair amount of casual violence.
Cross-posted to
capslokdethklok.The Fifteenth Century….
Sariel, who would not go by the name Charles Ofdensen for at least five more centuries, had decided most conclusively that he hated the Middle Ages.
He mouthed a silent curse at Lady Penelope’s bodice strings. He did enjoy fucking women – lord knows he did – but god damn, what a bloody menace it had become! Nothing like the Roman Empire. Now, those ladies knew how to dress! A couple of tugs at the robe, and voila! Tits! That’s how women’s clothing oughta work, dammit. When had they stopped being clothed by seamstresses and started up with the engineering features?
“HI SARIEL!”
Oh fucking bloody hell.
“Raziel, this is a really, really, really, really bad time!” he grumbled, not bothering to look up from Lady Penelope’s hopelessly knotted bodice laces.
“What witchcraft is this?” remarked the aforesaid Lady Penelope, upon seeing a little angel suddenly appear in her bedchamber.
“Wouldja quit squirming?” Sariel grumbled. “I think I’m almost through this.”
“Hi, I’m Raziel! What’s your name?” asked the little angel agreeably.
Lady Penelope jerked up and grabbed Sariel’s broadsword.
“Oh, don’t do that,” he huffed.
“Begone, demon from Hades!” Lady Penelope sang, swinging the blade towards Raziel, who smiled and made a little flicking motion with her fingers. Lady Penelope suddenly went sprawling back on the bed.
"Well, that one is a bit rude," sniffed Raziel.
"Raziel, you have interrupted us during a rather intimate moment."
"Hrmf," the small angel tutted, surveying the supine form of Lady Penelope. “Doesn't look like you've gotten terribly intimate to me. Having trouble with the bodice?"
"No, I was not having trouble with the bodice! What the fuck are you doing here?"
"I was in the neighborhood, and it didn’t seem like there’s too much Black Plague going around right now, so I thought I'd come by and say hi to my Little Brother!"
"Hi! OK, now will you go?"
"Sure!" said Raziel, waving a hand at Lady Penelope. "So, I guess you don't want to hear my gossip from the Capulets?"
"Cursed abomination!" shrieked the newly freed Lady Penelope, hefting Sariel's sword again.
"Wait!" said Sariel, flicking his hand at Lady Penelope, who went crashing back down upon the bed. "What do you know about the Capulets?"
"Pretty much everything," grinned Raziel, hopping on the bed next to Lady Penelope's struggling form. "I'm fucking their prime minister!"
Sariel stared at her. "You mean we are currently using our cold hearted powers of manipulation on feuding clans?"
Raziel frowned skeptically, peeking up Penelope’s skirt. "I don't know. How do you think you're manipulating the Montagues?"
"You see this?" inquired Sariel, indicating Lady Penelope.
"It's sort of hard to miss."
"She is the king's mistress!"
“Soooo…?”
“So! I whisper in her ear, she whispers in the king’s ear….”
Raziel shook her head. “Seems like there’s a certain element of uncertainty to this evil plan.”
“I will take an evil mistress over an evil prime minister any day!” Sariel declared. “Women are just plain more evil!”
Raziel glowered. “There’s not going to be a word for what that statement is for many centuries, but, whenever they figure it out, your statement is exactly that!”
“Well, anyway, can we talk about it … later?”
“All right. I’ll let you get back to whatever it is you think you were up to.”
“I was up to the usual! It’s just…. OK. What’s up with these fucking bodices?”
“Oh, bodices are a sinch. Here, let Big Sis show you how!” And so saying, Raziel grabbed Sariel’s broadsword and skillfully flicked the blade across Lady Penelope’s bodice strings, which cooperatively fell open.
“See? There ya go!”
“Raziel,” said Sariel, pointing an accusing finger, “you just ruined her bodice.”
“Eh. She’s rich. She’ll buy another.” She handed the sword back to Sariel. “Trust me, this one will like it.” She winked and disappeared.
Sariel stood, holding the sword, staring at the space where Raziel had disappeared for a moment.
“I suppose you are going to RAVISH me now, sir!” Lady Penelope called from the bed.
“Oh, sorry,” he said, distractedly releasing her.
“Oh,” protested Lady Penelope, “I can just see you’re going to use your wicked magic on me now.”
“Huh?” asked Sariel, still musing. “Uh, I wasn’t intending….”
“You are a wicked, wicked man, who simply wants to RAVISH me!” Lady Penelope persisted.
Sariel looked over at her. He frowned and flicked his hand. Lady Penelope was thrown back on the bed.
She began to moan. “You wicked, wicked man!”
Sariel arched an eyebrow.
“So. She evidently likes being ravished,” said Sariel, sipping his beer. They were sitting at an inn situated more or less directly between the feuding Capulets and Montagues.
“Well, of course she does! Why do you think she’s wearing that stupid bodice?” grinned Raziel.
“Women are strange.”
“And men aren’t?” Raziel looked up to see a man in Capulet colors in a heated discussion with another in Montague colors up at the bar.
“Anyway, I don’t know how long this can last.”
“Whaddya mean?”
“Well, it’s expecting a lot,” Sariel ticked off on his fingers, “using the constraining spell, ravishing her, not to mention that stupid bodice.”
“So, you feel like you’re doing all the work in the relationship?” The arguing Capulet and Montague men had now drawn swords.
“Exactly!” He sipped his beer, considering. “Soooo,” he said, “what is that prime minister like?”
“Sariel! You are not going to steal my evil boyfriend! He is both attractive and malicious! Do you realize how difficult it is finding a man like that?”
“That’s a bit selfish,” Sariel scolded. He grabbed up his beer glass just before the Capulet/Montague argument crashed into their table, overturning it.
Ignoring the feuding men now grappling between them, and cradling her own beer stein, Raziel glared at Sariel. But then sat back and sighed. “Yeah, to be honest, I’m not sure how much longer I can sustain this.”
“What’s the problem?” The Montague retainer had punched the Capulet, sending him sprawling elsewhere across the inn. He sprang up to pursue his foe.
“He’s just so obsessed with revenge against the Montagues. It's always vengeance this, vengeance that. And I’m like, but what about me? What about my needs?”
“Maybe he’s not in a place in his life where he’s ready for a relationship,” Sariel counseled.
“Well, maybe so,” mused Raziel.
“By the way, did we ever figure out what caused the feud?”
“Oh, I don’t know! Humans are so touchy sometimes!”
“Hey!” said Sariel. There was a moan, and the Montague man sank down between them, Capulet sword now sticking out of his abdomen.
“I know that look!" said Raziel. "You just thought of something evil, didn’t you?”
“What about, we get your prime minister together with Lady Penelope?"
“Hrm. That might work.” The Capulet man swooped in for the kill, but was rewarded by the Montague’s last gasp thrust of a sword, right through his heart
“Does the minister know how to work a bodice?”
“Ooo, yesssss,” grinned Raziel. The Capulet man moaned, and fell, dead, upon the expiring Montague.
“Anyway. Wanna get outta here?” asked Sariel, grabbing a sword from one of the nearby fresh corpses.
“Yeah, I’m feeling a bit peckish,” said Raziel, extracting the other sword, being careful to wipe the blood on the Capulet’s garments.
“I’ve heard the inn down the road has good suckling pig.”
“And not too much feuding?”
“We’ll grab a table in the non-feuding section.”
The battlefield was a place of unimaginable carnage.
Two angels walked amongst the mangled corpses.
“Well,” commented Raziel, “this was unexpected!”
“What happened to the minister and Penelope?” Sariel asked.
“Murder suicide. Or maybe suicide murder?”
“Raziel! How can you have a suicide murder?”
“He was found strangled in her bodice strings."
"I thought you said he knew how to work a bodice?"
"Evidently, they are trickier than I had thought."
"I told you those things were a hazard!"
"But you know one thing!" Raziel commented, toeing one of the many rotting corpses. "We finally ended the Capulet/Montague feud!"
"As there is no one left to feud,” Sariel mused, “I would say, that is correct."
"So, we have done our angelic good deed!" Raziel grinned.
"Verona definitely has felt our impact. Are you heading off now?"
"I thought I'd check out Japan," Raziel declared. "Wanna come? No bodices!"
"Raziel! Have you ever tried to get someone out of a kimono?"
"Well, what would you suggest?"
"Scotland!"
Raziel arched an eyebrow.
The present day….
“Sariel?” asked Lord Ganesh.
Sariel had actually gone by the name Charles Ofdensen now for many decades. But he was fine with the Hindu god calling him by most any name he pleased. Especially as long as he kept up with the shiatsu massage on his neck. "Yes, right there," he urged.
Ganesh was pressing on the angel’s spinal column with three of his four hands. He wasn’t exactly certain how one person had managed to get their chakras so far out of alignment.
“I pray I am not being too inquisitive,” Ganesh asked, “As you know, prior to the weekend I spent in the company of your band, I had not had relations with female beings for many centuries. I believe, however, you have enjoyed these encounters…?”
“Women are just too goddam much work!” the angel declared.
“You mean, the relationship?”
“If they don’t give you plague, you’ll just end up strangled in their bodice strings. That’s what I say!”
Ganesh frowned and pressed down on the spot between Sariel’s second and third cervical vertebrae. “Uh-huh,” the Hindu god said.
“And don’t get me started on the ravishing!” Sariel continued.
Angels, Lord Ganesh decided, were weird.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2010-12-20 10:03 pm (UTC)However, I do like the evil meddling angels. They're worse than gremlins, aren't they?
no subject
Date: 2010-12-20 10:59 pm (UTC)Everyone likes evil angels yay!
Just don't feed them after midnight....
no subject
Date: 2010-12-20 10:35 pm (UTC)Also:
“Oh, bodices are a sinch. Here, let Big Sis show you how!” And so saying, Raziel grabbed Sariel’s broadsword and skillfully flicked the blade across Lady Penelope’s bodice strings, which cooperatively fell open.
One can say what one wants about Raziel's methods there, but hey, they do prevent strangulation.
no subject
Date: 2010-12-20 10:58 pm (UTC)MY WORK HERE IS DONE!
no subject
Date: 2010-12-21 12:34 am (UTC)I giggled way, WAY too much at the end. All the way through, really. The feud should have been Sariel and Raziel vs. Capulets and Montagues. The humans might have stood a chance!
(But, uh, Sariel? I may be a plague beast, but I have no bodice strings, and I'm more likely to ravish you. I'm sure Ganesh would be willing to help. *eg*)
no subject
Date: 2010-12-21 12:55 am (UTC)I don't think Sariel will be going to a Ren Faire any time soon.
no subject
Date: 2010-12-21 03:01 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-12-21 03:26 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-12-22 04:56 pm (UTC)Gahd, these two are a hoot - and I daresay Montagues and Capulets deserved it.
no subject
Date: 2010-12-22 05:29 pm (UTC)