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tikificTitle: Red Tag (Mythklok Chapter 100)
Author: tikistitch
Rating: PG-13
Summary: A search and rescue mission (yet again).
Warnings: Just the usual nonsense
Notes: On part 1.
Part 2 of 2
Two men stood at the foot of the bed, watching their son settle himself in with a wolf pup and a half dozen plush toys.
Charles suddenly frowned and looked down. He stooped, and stood up, holding a tiger kitten by the scruff of the neck.
“Uh, is this ours too?” he asked.
“I suppose so,” smiled Ganesh. He took the mewling ball of fur from Charles and placed it carefully on the bed, where the kitten immediately stormed for the pillow. It growled a very tiny, high-pitched tiger growl at Murgatroyd, who yipped a wolf yip back. And then both animals more or less collapsed across Elias’ face.
“Can our kid still breathe?” asked Charles. Ganesh put a steadying hand on his shoulder and indicated that Charles should listen. There was the unmistakable sound of a contented angel snore.
“That sounds like breathing to me.”
“So we have a wolf and a tiger now?”
“So it would appear,” smiled Ganesh, putting an arm around Charles' shoulders.
“You think the tiger is magical too?”
“I would not doubt it.”
Charles quietly pulled the door almost shut. “You think he'll be OK? He was a grownup!” he asked.
“I think it might be better regarded as a magical Form,” mused Ganesh.
“I thought we were gonna have to buy him a car! And have a talk about girls!”
“We still shall. Albeit in a few years’ time, I think,” said Ganesh, going to mix up some cocktails
“You gonna tell me what’s the fucking deal with my lead singer?” asked Charles.
“Er. Would you like a martini?”
“I would like all the martinis,” said Charles, sidling up on a barstool and grabbing the jar of olives.
“We were concerned for his health, of course,” said Ganesh, vibrating the shaker with two hands while setting up glasses with other hands.
“Of course.”
“So, Lord Phanuel suggested temporarily transporting his soul into another body, until such time as we could be assured his own was fully recovered.”
“So, what happened to his body?” asked Charles, accepting a martini with three olives.
“Oh, it’s fine! We have him completely healed, the poisons leached completely away.”
“You didn’t actually use leeches did you? William will kill me if he didn’t get to help.”
“Er, not literally. We used magic,” explained Ganesh. “However, there was a hitch.”
“What’s the problem.”
“Well, his soul simply … refused to go back,” said Ganesh, yet another pair of hands miming the transport, one supposed, of a soul. “It was the oddest thing! As if he were just … resisting the magic somehow.”
“Yeah, you know, I can see that,” sighed Charles, downing his drink. “Maybe I need to talk to him.”
“Nathan’s body is fine. But he does not appear to want to return to it.”
Charles let out a long sigh. “It’ll be all right. If worst comes to worst, he’ll just get bored of being a demon.”
“Really?” asked Ganesh.
“Yeah, one thing I can depend on with the boys. So,” he asked, changing the subject, “you really think Boon is OK? The eye thing?”
“We may need to see that he wears sunglasses outdoors, if he proves to be light sensitive,” said Ganesh. “And we should attend to see that he is not having nightmares. But he came through well, I think. Murgatroyd, as we've seen, is extremely protective. We were also quite fortunate that Anna happened to be practicing possession at that time. She seemed a very calming influence.”
“Oh, shit, that's another thing I forgot to do! I haven't even bothered to thank her!” said Charles.
“I believe I just saw her down in the garden.”
“Oh, having a walk?”
“Er, no, more likely sending text messages or updating her blog,” chuckled Ganesh.
“I'll go down and see if she's there.”
“Invite her up for tea, if she'd like,” said Ganesh.
“This isn’t tea!” laughed Charles.
“No, it isn't.”
Shaking his head, Charles headed out the door, happy to be back in his Court Form, but most happy to have everyone back safe and on his home territory.
It was also, he forced himself to admit, nice to be back once again on earth.
“SARIEL! You weren't in your office!”
“Were you sitting on my desk waiting for me?” he asked Raziel as he continued down the corridor.
“I've been planning my father's wedding....”
“I thought you just got back? Like we did?”
“I can multitask. Anyways, he's interested in having your boys play, so you should bring that up with them....”
“A concert in Hell? Yeah, I think I can arrange that.”
“And I wanted you to look over the guest list, to make sure I didn't forget anybody!” she said, hitting a button on her phone.
“I assume you've invited every being in this universe?” sighed Charles.
“And the next!”
“The next?” asked Charles. Curiously, he took out his own Dethphone and opened the attachment Raziel had just emailed him. He scrolled down, and then stopped.
“Raziel?”
“Let me know! TTFN!”
“RAZIEL! You can't invite the Elder Gods to your father's wedding!” shouted Charles.
But he was alone. A couple of passing Klokateers may have chanced a glance his way.
Cursing, he made his way out the front entrance, and into the garden. Anna was indeed there, hunched over her smart phone.
“Hi Charles!”
“Hey, would you mind taking a walk?” he asked. “It’s a nice day.”
Anna shrugged and rose, and then walked with him through the garden on quiet ghost feet. “Omigawd, I'm texting Nephthys everything! She said it was really weird here with the giant squid and stuff!”
“I'm sure it was,” he said. “Look, I wanted to say thank you.”
“For what?” she asked.
“For watching over my kid.”
“But I almost got him stuck there!”
“That was not your fault,” said Charles. “Look, that was really brave of you, sticking with him. And we appreciate it. And he appreciates it too. I'm sure he'd let you know, if he were a little older....”
“Oh, he drew me a picture!” said Anna.
“Did he? Well, that's nice.”
“What is nice?” boomed Great Brahma.
“Brahma!” said Charles. “I didn't know you were here! How did it go with my Father?”
“He is an appalling man!” huffed the large red god, thrusting out several arms. “Appalling. But what are you doing in my gardens?”
“Your gardens? Wait, this is Mordland?”
“This is the Heavens, Sariel the Angel!” retorted Brahma.
“It does look kinda weeeeird here,” agreed Anna, as they looked around.
“Wait, Anna....” said Charles. “Oh!”
“Anna?” asked Brahma. They looked at each other, and then to the girl. “Anna!” said Brahma, taking one of her arms. “Come with me! Now! Sariel!” he said, sticking a large red finger in Charles' face. “You remain here. Come along! Now!”
“Anna!” said Charles, watching her be hustled away. And then, very sadly, “Anna.”
“They are very old rules, Sariel.”
“Yeah? So was Boon eating the pomegranate!” snapped Charles as they walked down the corridor towards Mordhaus' meeting room.
“It is the way my family has done things. Ever,” said Ganesh, looking down at Boon, who smiled up from his hip, tiny flash of silver glinting in his dark eyes. “We may need to get you some sunglasses,” he told the child, kissing his head.
“Zun gwass?”
“Yes, like Daddy,” said Ganesh. To Charles, he said, “As I recall, your father mentioned something about someone finding redemption in the Abyss.”
“Yeah,” Charles said regretfully. “That guy talks a lot of shit.”
“Perhaps for once he spoke the truth? Perhaps he meant Anna?”
Charles scowled. “I'm gonna talk to Brahma about this,” he vowed, yanking open the meeting room door.
“You're gonna talk to Brahma about WHAT?” boomed the voice of Nathan Explosion.
Charles looked around in surprise, astonished to see the entire band had made the meeting before he had arrived. He rechecked his Vacheron Constantin. “Well, Nathan,” he explained to the now demon-Formed lead singer. “Anna has been given a chance at a new incarnation.”
“Whoa, COOL!” said Nathan, as Elias ran over and scrambled up into his lap. “Will she get awesome wings and shit?” he asked.
“Kaun!” agreed Nathan's owl.
“Uh, probably not, Nathan. She will be a human.”
“Oh, well that's lame,” said Nathan, as Elias began to play with Wunge and Lelefun.
“There is nothing wrong with being a human, Nathan,” said Ganesh, who remained standing by the doorway.
“Oh yeah? What are you?”
“Well, as you know, I am a god....”
“SEE!”
“Nathan, as Ganesh says, there is nothing wrong with being a human,” said Charles. “You and I need to talk at some point.”
Skwisgaar suddenly pitched over and sneezed loudly, causing Nathan's owl to flap. The guitarist scowled, and reached underneath the meeting room table. He pulled up an orange and black furball, which he held by the scruff of the neck.
“Whad ams dis?” he sniffed as the animal emitted an impossibly high squeak of protest.
“Oh, uh, that is Boon's new tiger kitten,” Charles sighed as Ganesh moved around the table to retrieve the cat from the guitarist.
“Oh, does he have A NAME?” asked Nathan, scratching one of his goat horns. “I could help name him. I'm good at names.”
“HAWB!” Elias told him.
“He's, uh, Hobbes,” said Charles.
“Our Eliu rather likes the old comic strip character,” grinned Ganesh, taking the kitten.
“Why ams you keeps dat t'ings?” asked Skwisgaar.
“What'sch wrong with keeping a big cat?” asked Murderface, eyes glinting a dangerous yellow.
“Dey ams gets da furs everywheres!” protested Skwisgaar, brushing orange hair from his guitar.
“And ams scratches da couches!” agreed Toki.
“Well, my understanding is, once you Name the things, they're sort of around to stay,” confessed Charles. “Come on, guys, you got a kid, pets kind of come with the deal, so we need to all just get adjusted.” Murgatroyd, who was also under the table somewhere, yipped in agreement.
“Kaun!” agreed Nathan’s owl.
“I ams not agrees to da kid,” said Skwisgaar.
“And Edgar ams tells me dat hims ams not canonicockles!” added Toki, pointing to Elias.
“Toki,” said Charles carefully. “I thought you liked Boon.” Elias suddenly blinked up curiously at the Norwegian.
“I ams like Booms!” said Toki, who glanced at Skwisgaar. “But I ams not likes him. Also?” he added.
“Well, OK. My kid stays. Like him or not,” said Charles, to Skwisgaar's glare. “But if you want, Toki, I could draw up the paperwork to remove you from the band-”
“WHAT IF,” Ganesh interjected. All turned to stare at him. “Er,” he said. “What if Toki gets a pet as well?”
“A pets?” said Toki.
Ignoring Charles' frantic mouthing of, “NO!' Ganesh continued, “And, I think I have the perfect one! Now, come along, Boonie, we need to let them have their meeting!”
“Uh-HUH!” said Elias, cheerfully sliding off Nathan's demon lap and barreling for the door. “MUGGATOAD!” he bellowed, as the little wolf pup gallumphed after him.
“Wut did yoo wanna meet about, dood?” asked Pickles.
“Oh, uh, thanks Pickles. Raziel wanted me to make sure you guys were good with the concert in Hell.”
“OF COURSE!” said Nathan.
“Schweet,” said Murderface.
“Pffft. More demands from your inslaws,” huffed Skwisgaar. Toki looked confused.
“And Wotan told me personally to tell you he would, quote, 'kick your spoiled little demigod ass' if you give me any shit,” said Charles.
“Uh, ja,” said Skwisgaar. “I guess dat ams ackseptacabobble.”
“Ja, dat ams bes OK!” piped up Toki. “When ams I gets my pets?”
Charles and Raziel stared at the terrarium. They tilted their heads one way, and then the other.
“What the fuck-” began Charles.
“Gravel demon!” said Raziel. “It's like a little cousin of those rock demons?”
“And, how the hell can you tell if it's dead?” asked Charles, pointing at the unmoving slab.
“Exactly!” said Raziel. “It was Wotan's idea, after we had to tear up the back yard burying about 300 dead goldfish.”
“And the twins like it?”
“Oh hells yeah! They'll stare at it for hours. My weird kids.”
“MUMMY!” squealed the twins, appearing on cue.
“Wunky Sar!” said Liam, excitedly pointing to the terrarium.
“TIGGAH!” said Abby.
“Their pet rock? Is Tigger?” asked Charles, who was getting quite skilled at deciphering toddler after many years of listening to incoherent rock musicians.
“Yeah! They wanted names for their tigers, right? So I played them the Disney cartoon....”
“And they named the rock, Tigger? So, what did they name the kittens?”
Liam and Abby excitedly pointed to the kittens, who had also followed them into the room. “HEFWUMP!” said Liam.
“Woozah!” said Abby.
“They're Heffalump and Woozle,” said Raziel.
“Your kids are weird, Raziel.”
“No kidding.” Raziel looked at her son, Liam, tilting her head. The boy tilted his head as well, to the extent that he toppled down to the floor. “He forgets which way is up,” she explained as she helped up the giggling boy. “So what's happening with Anna?”
“It's working its way through the Hindu bureaucracy. This could take centuries. And they won't let me see her!”
“That's the way they do things, Sariel.”
“Since when are you a fan of playing by the rules?” he snapped. Raziel frowned. “Sorry,” he said. “Anyway, I'm on the way to see Brahma about it.”
“Did you bring your Financial Times?”
Charles rolled his eyes. “You'll get Toki a rock?”
“Gravel demon!” corrected Raziel. “And hey!” she said as he turned to leave.
“What?” snapped Charles.
“Anna. She gets another chance. This is a good thing. For her. Remember that.”
Charles nodded glumly, and turned around, and was gone.
Raziel frowned, and then pulled a cell phone out of her purse.
“Sariel the angel,” Brahma told Charles, “please come to my office.” Charles silently raised his eyebrows. He wasn’t aware that Brahma had an office. It turned out to be a large, cluttered affair, with a massive desk, completely covered in paperwork. Charles looked around, curious to see old metal filing cabinets stacked against the wall.
“You didn’t go in for electronic recordkeeping?” he asked.
“Not a fan of it,” huffed Brahma, plopping his Financial Times newspaper on top of the other debris that obscured the top of his desk. “Just old fashioned ways here.”
“So,” said Charles, as Brahma indicated he pull up a chair, “about Anna….”
“You won’t need to bother yourself with that situation any longer.”
“How so?”
“She has been delegated.”
“Uh, what?” asked Charles, suddenly snapping to attention.
“Her soul has been assigned.”
“What, already?” asked Charles.
“That was your concern, was it not? That her case be dispatched efficiency?” Brahma wheeled his chair back to a nearby filing cabinet and removed a single file folder, which he flopped on the desk. “I oversaw her case personally.”
Charles feinted for the file, but Brahma snatched it away, carefully keeping it closed. “You see? A green sticker,” he said, pointing to the tab on the file. “She has been assigned.”
“Where did she go?” asked Charles.
“That is none of your concern,” said Brahma.
“But Brahma, look! She was my friend! I just want to know she’s gonna be OK.”
“You may rest assured, she will be cared for this incarnation.”
“But-“ said Charles.
“I’m Bert!” sang a colorful angel who had just popped into Brahma's office through the window.
“Oh, Engelbert,” said Brahma. “Has Phanuel sent you?”
“Yes, Phanuel has sent me! On urgent business!”
“What is so urgent?” huffed Brahma.
“Urgent gardening business!” said Engelbert, irritably flapping his wings.
“His garden?” asked Brahma.
“He asked that you come immediately!”
“Yes, yes,” said Brahma, pushing himself up from his chair. “My apologies, Sariel, I will be right back. Can’t get a thing done without me there,” he grumbled, following Engelbert out the door.
Charles sat in his chair, watching the two beings depart.
He turned and looked at the file folder on the desk.
He looked out the door.
He looked back at the file folder.
He looked out the door….
“So, you want me to go back to being a HUMAN!” snorted Nathan, flapping his grey, leathery wings.
“What's that Nathan?” asked Charles distractedly. He stood in his office, behind his desk, loosening his tie.
“You don't like me being a DEMON!” maintained Nathan. He moved in the guest chair, which creaked under his great weight.
“No, that's OK,” said Charles, yanking off his jacket and carefully draping it over his office chair.
“WHAT?” asked Nathan, switching his tail.
“I said it's OK,” said Charles. “You wanna drink or something?”
“Hey, yeah, whiskey would be good.” Charles nodded and brought out a decanter, filling the bottom of each glass with a rich, smoky liquid.
Nathan grabbed a glass, though it looked comically small in his large demon hand. “Not bad,” he mused, taking a sip.
Charles nodded, knocking back the glass in one go. And then he began to unbutton his shirt.
“So, you're OK with me being a DEMON?” asked Nathan.
“Whatever you wanna do, it's all right with me, Nathan,” said Charles.
Nathan stared at him. Suddenly he sat forward. “Hey, you're not using REVERSE PSYCHOLOGY or something on me are you?”
“What?” asked Charles, carefully folding his shirt over the back of the chair.
“Because confusing me, THAT'S NOT COOL.”
“OK, Nathan, don't be a demon.”
“Wait,” said Nathan, pouring himself another whiskey. “Are you saying that because you want me to be a demon, or you don't want me to be a demon?”
“Please yourself.”
“But I'M CONFUSED!”
“Anyway,” said Charles, going to True Form and flapping out his wings. “I have some place I gotta be.”
“Where?”
“It doesn't matter. But we can talk more about this when I get back, OK?”
“Where are you going, Charles?”
“I will be back soon, Nathan. Don't worry.” And with that, Charles leapt out the window, and was away.
“WOULD YOU COME BACK SOONER IF I WAS HUMAN?” called Nathan.
“Dis ams my pets,” said Toki, proudly displaying the terrarium. He carefully set it down on a table in his room, beside a half complete plastic model Fokker Triplane and Deddy Bear.
“Dood,” said Pickles, looking at it while tilting his head. “It's a rawk.”
“Ams not da rocks, silly Pickle,” said Toki, who was also tilting his head. “Ams da gravel demons!” he whispered.
“Pfffft,” said Skwisgaar, who was sitting on Toki's bed twiddling on his guitar, and not tilting his head.
“Skwisgaar! Don't ams pfffts my pets!” To Pickles he said, “He ams Toki, Jr. Like I am Toki!”
“Sooo, yer bot' Toki?” ask Pickles.
“Ja, we ams bot' Tokis! Ams coinky-dinks, I ams t'inkings!”
“Toki, you ams named him,” scoffed Skwisgaar.
“Why waschn't I invited to the rock meeting?” whined Murderface, who had just barged in along with Nathan.
“Ams not da rocks!” insisted Toki. “Ams my pets, Toki.”
“Wait there's a rock Toki and a Toki Toki? Dude, this is going to get so confusing so fast, Maybe I better TAKE NOTES!” worried Nathan.
“I am not schatischfied about the politicsch of keeping a demon confined to schuch a schpace!” lectured Murderface.
“What, it's just a rock,” said Nathan.
“Ams Toki!”
“I'm a demon,” said Murderface. “And, may I point out, scho are you, currently, Nathan.”
“Welllllll....” said Nathan. “Uh, but, I might be a human soon.”
“Why you do dat?” asked Skwisgaar.
“It's Charles' fault! It's because HE CONFUSED ME!”
“By my hammer! ‘Tis a gravel demon, if I am not mistaken!” said mighty Thor, who had also just crowded into Toki’s small bedroom.
“Oh, hey T’or dood,” greeted Pickles. “So, dat ain’t a rawk?”
“’Tis a foul demon!” said Thor.
“What’sch foul about a demon?” asked Murderface.
“Hey, yeah,” said Nathan.
“Ams you ever uses da mens room after Moiderfaces?” asked Skwisgaar.
“What’sch wrong with my demon schent!” protested Murderface.
“Dude,” said Nathan, “Seriously, you could melt paint with that.”
“DOODS!” said Pickles.
“What is it now, Pickles? We’re talking about demons!” said Nathan.
“It moved! Toki moved!” declared Pickles.
“What, THIS TOKI?” asked Nathan, holding Toki by the collar.
“No, dat Toki!” said Pickles, pointing in apparent fascination at Toki the gravel demon.
The band gathered around and silently stared at the terrarium, mesmerized.
“Did you get the vegan fair trade shade grown dolphin safe infant formula at PC Foods, Dylan?”
“Yes, Courtney. Nothing's too good for our little Artemesia!”
The couple hovered dotingly over their tiny newborn baby, smiling blissfully.
“Artemesia? Fuck me.”
“'Tis the name of a genus of plant, if I am not mistaken.”
Charles was perched in a tree on the hill overlooking the small cottage. Flapping his wings, he frowned down at the ground below, where stood his husband and their small son.
Charles silently dropped down beside them.
“Nana?” asked Elias, pointing towards the little house down below.
“Yes,” said Charles, taking the child. “That's Anna.” He turned to Ganesh. “How did you find me?”
“Just wanted to make certain you didn't stray into any trouble. We are in violation of two or three ancient laws. What else did they say?”
“Oh, they're force feeding her vegan crap. The way you did with this one,” said Charles, hiking up Elias.
“BEEGAN CWAP!”
“It didn't seem to do him any harm,” smiled Ganesh.
“I just hope she's gonna be OK,” sighed Charles.
“Well, she has a guardian angel watching over her now,” said Ganesh.
“Baap, two gaddien!” said Elias, holding up two fingers.
“That is correct. She has two guardian angels!” said Ganesh. To Charles he said, “Would you care to get home now?”
“Yeah, I guess. Wait!” he said, holding a finger in his ear. “Damn ear water still hasn't washed out. Yes, Edgar, what the fuck?” He listened for a moment. “Do I look like I give a motherfuck about the fucking whales? What? Whaddya mean, I'm just like my father? We'll talk later, Edgar.”
Charles sighed and began to walk with Ganesh. “So,” said Ganesh, “Nathan just told me before I departed that he wishes to try again to regain his human form. Whatever did you say to him?”
“Absolutely nothing.”
“Oh, that was clever!” said Ganesh.
“I'm a clever bastard,” grinned Charles. “Come on. Let's go home.”
“An hab da bie?” asked Elias.
“Yeah, sure. We’ll have pie. And ice cream,” promised Charles.
“Bie an scream!”
“Just a small slice for me, perhaps,” said Ganesh, patting his stomach. “Trying to watch the waistline.”
“I’ve told you before, I’ll watch it for you,” said Charles.
They smiled at each other.
And then they were there no more.
Author: tikistitch
Rating: PG-13
Summary: A search and rescue mission (yet again).
Warnings: Just the usual nonsense
Notes: On part 1.
Part 2 of 2
Two men stood at the foot of the bed, watching their son settle himself in with a wolf pup and a half dozen plush toys.
Charles suddenly frowned and looked down. He stooped, and stood up, holding a tiger kitten by the scruff of the neck.
“Uh, is this ours too?” he asked.
“I suppose so,” smiled Ganesh. He took the mewling ball of fur from Charles and placed it carefully on the bed, where the kitten immediately stormed for the pillow. It growled a very tiny, high-pitched tiger growl at Murgatroyd, who yipped a wolf yip back. And then both animals more or less collapsed across Elias’ face.
“Can our kid still breathe?” asked Charles. Ganesh put a steadying hand on his shoulder and indicated that Charles should listen. There was the unmistakable sound of a contented angel snore.
“That sounds like breathing to me.”
“So we have a wolf and a tiger now?”
“So it would appear,” smiled Ganesh, putting an arm around Charles' shoulders.
“You think the tiger is magical too?”
“I would not doubt it.”
Charles quietly pulled the door almost shut. “You think he'll be OK? He was a grownup!” he asked.
“I think it might be better regarded as a magical Form,” mused Ganesh.
“I thought we were gonna have to buy him a car! And have a talk about girls!”
“We still shall. Albeit in a few years’ time, I think,” said Ganesh, going to mix up some cocktails
“You gonna tell me what’s the fucking deal with my lead singer?” asked Charles.
“Er. Would you like a martini?”
“I would like all the martinis,” said Charles, sidling up on a barstool and grabbing the jar of olives.
“We were concerned for his health, of course,” said Ganesh, vibrating the shaker with two hands while setting up glasses with other hands.
“Of course.”
“So, Lord Phanuel suggested temporarily transporting his soul into another body, until such time as we could be assured his own was fully recovered.”
“So, what happened to his body?” asked Charles, accepting a martini with three olives.
“Oh, it’s fine! We have him completely healed, the poisons leached completely away.”
“You didn’t actually use leeches did you? William will kill me if he didn’t get to help.”
“Er, not literally. We used magic,” explained Ganesh. “However, there was a hitch.”
“What’s the problem.”
“Well, his soul simply … refused to go back,” said Ganesh, yet another pair of hands miming the transport, one supposed, of a soul. “It was the oddest thing! As if he were just … resisting the magic somehow.”
“Yeah, you know, I can see that,” sighed Charles, downing his drink. “Maybe I need to talk to him.”
“Nathan’s body is fine. But he does not appear to want to return to it.”
Charles let out a long sigh. “It’ll be all right. If worst comes to worst, he’ll just get bored of being a demon.”
“Really?” asked Ganesh.
“Yeah, one thing I can depend on with the boys. So,” he asked, changing the subject, “you really think Boon is OK? The eye thing?”
“We may need to see that he wears sunglasses outdoors, if he proves to be light sensitive,” said Ganesh. “And we should attend to see that he is not having nightmares. But he came through well, I think. Murgatroyd, as we've seen, is extremely protective. We were also quite fortunate that Anna happened to be practicing possession at that time. She seemed a very calming influence.”
“Oh, shit, that's another thing I forgot to do! I haven't even bothered to thank her!” said Charles.
“I believe I just saw her down in the garden.”
“Oh, having a walk?”
“Er, no, more likely sending text messages or updating her blog,” chuckled Ganesh.
“I'll go down and see if she's there.”
“Invite her up for tea, if she'd like,” said Ganesh.
“This isn’t tea!” laughed Charles.
“No, it isn't.”
Shaking his head, Charles headed out the door, happy to be back in his Court Form, but most happy to have everyone back safe and on his home territory.
It was also, he forced himself to admit, nice to be back once again on earth.
“SARIEL! You weren't in your office!”
“Were you sitting on my desk waiting for me?” he asked Raziel as he continued down the corridor.
“I've been planning my father's wedding....”
“I thought you just got back? Like we did?”
“I can multitask. Anyways, he's interested in having your boys play, so you should bring that up with them....”
“A concert in Hell? Yeah, I think I can arrange that.”
“And I wanted you to look over the guest list, to make sure I didn't forget anybody!” she said, hitting a button on her phone.
“I assume you've invited every being in this universe?” sighed Charles.
“And the next!”
“The next?” asked Charles. Curiously, he took out his own Dethphone and opened the attachment Raziel had just emailed him. He scrolled down, and then stopped.
“Raziel?”
“Let me know! TTFN!”
“RAZIEL! You can't invite the Elder Gods to your father's wedding!” shouted Charles.
But he was alone. A couple of passing Klokateers may have chanced a glance his way.
Cursing, he made his way out the front entrance, and into the garden. Anna was indeed there, hunched over her smart phone.
“Hi Charles!”
“Hey, would you mind taking a walk?” he asked. “It’s a nice day.”
Anna shrugged and rose, and then walked with him through the garden on quiet ghost feet. “Omigawd, I'm texting Nephthys everything! She said it was really weird here with the giant squid and stuff!”
“I'm sure it was,” he said. “Look, I wanted to say thank you.”
“For what?” she asked.
“For watching over my kid.”
“But I almost got him stuck there!”
“That was not your fault,” said Charles. “Look, that was really brave of you, sticking with him. And we appreciate it. And he appreciates it too. I'm sure he'd let you know, if he were a little older....”
“Oh, he drew me a picture!” said Anna.
“Did he? Well, that's nice.”
“What is nice?” boomed Great Brahma.
“Brahma!” said Charles. “I didn't know you were here! How did it go with my Father?”
“He is an appalling man!” huffed the large red god, thrusting out several arms. “Appalling. But what are you doing in my gardens?”
“Your gardens? Wait, this is Mordland?”
“This is the Heavens, Sariel the Angel!” retorted Brahma.
“It does look kinda weeeeird here,” agreed Anna, as they looked around.
“Wait, Anna....” said Charles. “Oh!”
“Anna?” asked Brahma. They looked at each other, and then to the girl. “Anna!” said Brahma, taking one of her arms. “Come with me! Now! Sariel!” he said, sticking a large red finger in Charles' face. “You remain here. Come along! Now!”
“Anna!” said Charles, watching her be hustled away. And then, very sadly, “Anna.”
“They are very old rules, Sariel.”
“Yeah? So was Boon eating the pomegranate!” snapped Charles as they walked down the corridor towards Mordhaus' meeting room.
“It is the way my family has done things. Ever,” said Ganesh, looking down at Boon, who smiled up from his hip, tiny flash of silver glinting in his dark eyes. “We may need to get you some sunglasses,” he told the child, kissing his head.
“Zun gwass?”
“Yes, like Daddy,” said Ganesh. To Charles, he said, “As I recall, your father mentioned something about someone finding redemption in the Abyss.”
“Yeah,” Charles said regretfully. “That guy talks a lot of shit.”
“Perhaps for once he spoke the truth? Perhaps he meant Anna?”
Charles scowled. “I'm gonna talk to Brahma about this,” he vowed, yanking open the meeting room door.
“You're gonna talk to Brahma about WHAT?” boomed the voice of Nathan Explosion.
Charles looked around in surprise, astonished to see the entire band had made the meeting before he had arrived. He rechecked his Vacheron Constantin. “Well, Nathan,” he explained to the now demon-Formed lead singer. “Anna has been given a chance at a new incarnation.”
“Whoa, COOL!” said Nathan, as Elias ran over and scrambled up into his lap. “Will she get awesome wings and shit?” he asked.
“Kaun!” agreed Nathan's owl.
“Uh, probably not, Nathan. She will be a human.”
“Oh, well that's lame,” said Nathan, as Elias began to play with Wunge and Lelefun.
“There is nothing wrong with being a human, Nathan,” said Ganesh, who remained standing by the doorway.
“Oh yeah? What are you?”
“Well, as you know, I am a god....”
“SEE!”
“Nathan, as Ganesh says, there is nothing wrong with being a human,” said Charles. “You and I need to talk at some point.”
Skwisgaar suddenly pitched over and sneezed loudly, causing Nathan's owl to flap. The guitarist scowled, and reached underneath the meeting room table. He pulled up an orange and black furball, which he held by the scruff of the neck.
“Whad ams dis?” he sniffed as the animal emitted an impossibly high squeak of protest.
“Oh, uh, that is Boon's new tiger kitten,” Charles sighed as Ganesh moved around the table to retrieve the cat from the guitarist.
“Oh, does he have A NAME?” asked Nathan, scratching one of his goat horns. “I could help name him. I'm good at names.”
“HAWB!” Elias told him.
“He's, uh, Hobbes,” said Charles.
“Our Eliu rather likes the old comic strip character,” grinned Ganesh, taking the kitten.
“Why ams you keeps dat t'ings?” asked Skwisgaar.
“What'sch wrong with keeping a big cat?” asked Murderface, eyes glinting a dangerous yellow.
“Dey ams gets da furs everywheres!” protested Skwisgaar, brushing orange hair from his guitar.
“And ams scratches da couches!” agreed Toki.
“Well, my understanding is, once you Name the things, they're sort of around to stay,” confessed Charles. “Come on, guys, you got a kid, pets kind of come with the deal, so we need to all just get adjusted.” Murgatroyd, who was also under the table somewhere, yipped in agreement.
“Kaun!” agreed Nathan’s owl.
“I ams not agrees to da kid,” said Skwisgaar.
“And Edgar ams tells me dat hims ams not canonicockles!” added Toki, pointing to Elias.
“Toki,” said Charles carefully. “I thought you liked Boon.” Elias suddenly blinked up curiously at the Norwegian.
“I ams like Booms!” said Toki, who glanced at Skwisgaar. “But I ams not likes him. Also?” he added.
“Well, OK. My kid stays. Like him or not,” said Charles, to Skwisgaar's glare. “But if you want, Toki, I could draw up the paperwork to remove you from the band-”
“WHAT IF,” Ganesh interjected. All turned to stare at him. “Er,” he said. “What if Toki gets a pet as well?”
“A pets?” said Toki.
Ignoring Charles' frantic mouthing of, “NO!' Ganesh continued, “And, I think I have the perfect one! Now, come along, Boonie, we need to let them have their meeting!”
“Uh-HUH!” said Elias, cheerfully sliding off Nathan's demon lap and barreling for the door. “MUGGATOAD!” he bellowed, as the little wolf pup gallumphed after him.
“Wut did yoo wanna meet about, dood?” asked Pickles.
“Oh, uh, thanks Pickles. Raziel wanted me to make sure you guys were good with the concert in Hell.”
“OF COURSE!” said Nathan.
“Schweet,” said Murderface.
“Pffft. More demands from your inslaws,” huffed Skwisgaar. Toki looked confused.
“And Wotan told me personally to tell you he would, quote, 'kick your spoiled little demigod ass' if you give me any shit,” said Charles.
“Uh, ja,” said Skwisgaar. “I guess dat ams ackseptacabobble.”
“Ja, dat ams bes OK!” piped up Toki. “When ams I gets my pets?”
Charles and Raziel stared at the terrarium. They tilted their heads one way, and then the other.
“What the fuck-” began Charles.
“Gravel demon!” said Raziel. “It's like a little cousin of those rock demons?”
“And, how the hell can you tell if it's dead?” asked Charles, pointing at the unmoving slab.
“Exactly!” said Raziel. “It was Wotan's idea, after we had to tear up the back yard burying about 300 dead goldfish.”
“And the twins like it?”
“Oh hells yeah! They'll stare at it for hours. My weird kids.”
“MUMMY!” squealed the twins, appearing on cue.
“Wunky Sar!” said Liam, excitedly pointing to the terrarium.
“TIGGAH!” said Abby.
“Their pet rock? Is Tigger?” asked Charles, who was getting quite skilled at deciphering toddler after many years of listening to incoherent rock musicians.
“Yeah! They wanted names for their tigers, right? So I played them the Disney cartoon....”
“And they named the rock, Tigger? So, what did they name the kittens?”
Liam and Abby excitedly pointed to the kittens, who had also followed them into the room. “HEFWUMP!” said Liam.
“Woozah!” said Abby.
“They're Heffalump and Woozle,” said Raziel.
“Your kids are weird, Raziel.”
“No kidding.” Raziel looked at her son, Liam, tilting her head. The boy tilted his head as well, to the extent that he toppled down to the floor. “He forgets which way is up,” she explained as she helped up the giggling boy. “So what's happening with Anna?”
“It's working its way through the Hindu bureaucracy. This could take centuries. And they won't let me see her!”
“That's the way they do things, Sariel.”
“Since when are you a fan of playing by the rules?” he snapped. Raziel frowned. “Sorry,” he said. “Anyway, I'm on the way to see Brahma about it.”
“Did you bring your Financial Times?”
Charles rolled his eyes. “You'll get Toki a rock?”
“Gravel demon!” corrected Raziel. “And hey!” she said as he turned to leave.
“What?” snapped Charles.
“Anna. She gets another chance. This is a good thing. For her. Remember that.”
Charles nodded glumly, and turned around, and was gone.
Raziel frowned, and then pulled a cell phone out of her purse.
“Sariel the angel,” Brahma told Charles, “please come to my office.” Charles silently raised his eyebrows. He wasn’t aware that Brahma had an office. It turned out to be a large, cluttered affair, with a massive desk, completely covered in paperwork. Charles looked around, curious to see old metal filing cabinets stacked against the wall.
“You didn’t go in for electronic recordkeeping?” he asked.
“Not a fan of it,” huffed Brahma, plopping his Financial Times newspaper on top of the other debris that obscured the top of his desk. “Just old fashioned ways here.”
“So,” said Charles, as Brahma indicated he pull up a chair, “about Anna….”
“You won’t need to bother yourself with that situation any longer.”
“How so?”
“She has been delegated.”
“Uh, what?” asked Charles, suddenly snapping to attention.
“Her soul has been assigned.”
“What, already?” asked Charles.
“That was your concern, was it not? That her case be dispatched efficiency?” Brahma wheeled his chair back to a nearby filing cabinet and removed a single file folder, which he flopped on the desk. “I oversaw her case personally.”
Charles feinted for the file, but Brahma snatched it away, carefully keeping it closed. “You see? A green sticker,” he said, pointing to the tab on the file. “She has been assigned.”
“Where did she go?” asked Charles.
“That is none of your concern,” said Brahma.
“But Brahma, look! She was my friend! I just want to know she’s gonna be OK.”
“You may rest assured, she will be cared for this incarnation.”
“But-“ said Charles.
“I’m Bert!” sang a colorful angel who had just popped into Brahma's office through the window.
“Oh, Engelbert,” said Brahma. “Has Phanuel sent you?”
“Yes, Phanuel has sent me! On urgent business!”
“What is so urgent?” huffed Brahma.
“Urgent gardening business!” said Engelbert, irritably flapping his wings.
“His garden?” asked Brahma.
“He asked that you come immediately!”
“Yes, yes,” said Brahma, pushing himself up from his chair. “My apologies, Sariel, I will be right back. Can’t get a thing done without me there,” he grumbled, following Engelbert out the door.
Charles sat in his chair, watching the two beings depart.
He turned and looked at the file folder on the desk.
He looked out the door.
He looked back at the file folder.
He looked out the door….
“So, you want me to go back to being a HUMAN!” snorted Nathan, flapping his grey, leathery wings.
“What's that Nathan?” asked Charles distractedly. He stood in his office, behind his desk, loosening his tie.
“You don't like me being a DEMON!” maintained Nathan. He moved in the guest chair, which creaked under his great weight.
“No, that's OK,” said Charles, yanking off his jacket and carefully draping it over his office chair.
“WHAT?” asked Nathan, switching his tail.
“I said it's OK,” said Charles. “You wanna drink or something?”
“Hey, yeah, whiskey would be good.” Charles nodded and brought out a decanter, filling the bottom of each glass with a rich, smoky liquid.
Nathan grabbed a glass, though it looked comically small in his large demon hand. “Not bad,” he mused, taking a sip.
Charles nodded, knocking back the glass in one go. And then he began to unbutton his shirt.
“So, you're OK with me being a DEMON?” asked Nathan.
“Whatever you wanna do, it's all right with me, Nathan,” said Charles.
Nathan stared at him. Suddenly he sat forward. “Hey, you're not using REVERSE PSYCHOLOGY or something on me are you?”
“What?” asked Charles, carefully folding his shirt over the back of the chair.
“Because confusing me, THAT'S NOT COOL.”
“OK, Nathan, don't be a demon.”
“Wait,” said Nathan, pouring himself another whiskey. “Are you saying that because you want me to be a demon, or you don't want me to be a demon?”
“Please yourself.”
“But I'M CONFUSED!”
“Anyway,” said Charles, going to True Form and flapping out his wings. “I have some place I gotta be.”
“Where?”
“It doesn't matter. But we can talk more about this when I get back, OK?”
“Where are you going, Charles?”
“I will be back soon, Nathan. Don't worry.” And with that, Charles leapt out the window, and was away.
“WOULD YOU COME BACK SOONER IF I WAS HUMAN?” called Nathan.
“Dis ams my pets,” said Toki, proudly displaying the terrarium. He carefully set it down on a table in his room, beside a half complete plastic model Fokker Triplane and Deddy Bear.
“Dood,” said Pickles, looking at it while tilting his head. “It's a rawk.”
“Ams not da rocks, silly Pickle,” said Toki, who was also tilting his head. “Ams da gravel demons!” he whispered.
“Pfffft,” said Skwisgaar, who was sitting on Toki's bed twiddling on his guitar, and not tilting his head.
“Skwisgaar! Don't ams pfffts my pets!” To Pickles he said, “He ams Toki, Jr. Like I am Toki!”
“Sooo, yer bot' Toki?” ask Pickles.
“Ja, we ams bot' Tokis! Ams coinky-dinks, I ams t'inkings!”
“Toki, you ams named him,” scoffed Skwisgaar.
“Why waschn't I invited to the rock meeting?” whined Murderface, who had just barged in along with Nathan.
“Ams not da rocks!” insisted Toki. “Ams my pets, Toki.”
“Wait there's a rock Toki and a Toki Toki? Dude, this is going to get so confusing so fast, Maybe I better TAKE NOTES!” worried Nathan.
“I am not schatischfied about the politicsch of keeping a demon confined to schuch a schpace!” lectured Murderface.
“What, it's just a rock,” said Nathan.
“Ams Toki!”
“I'm a demon,” said Murderface. “And, may I point out, scho are you, currently, Nathan.”
“Welllllll....” said Nathan. “Uh, but, I might be a human soon.”
“Why you do dat?” asked Skwisgaar.
“It's Charles' fault! It's because HE CONFUSED ME!”
“By my hammer! ‘Tis a gravel demon, if I am not mistaken!” said mighty Thor, who had also just crowded into Toki’s small bedroom.
“Oh, hey T’or dood,” greeted Pickles. “So, dat ain’t a rawk?”
“’Tis a foul demon!” said Thor.
“What’sch foul about a demon?” asked Murderface.
“Hey, yeah,” said Nathan.
“Ams you ever uses da mens room after Moiderfaces?” asked Skwisgaar.
“What’sch wrong with my demon schent!” protested Murderface.
“Dude,” said Nathan, “Seriously, you could melt paint with that.”
“DOODS!” said Pickles.
“What is it now, Pickles? We’re talking about demons!” said Nathan.
“It moved! Toki moved!” declared Pickles.
“What, THIS TOKI?” asked Nathan, holding Toki by the collar.
“No, dat Toki!” said Pickles, pointing in apparent fascination at Toki the gravel demon.
The band gathered around and silently stared at the terrarium, mesmerized.
“Did you get the vegan fair trade shade grown dolphin safe infant formula at PC Foods, Dylan?”
“Yes, Courtney. Nothing's too good for our little Artemesia!”
The couple hovered dotingly over their tiny newborn baby, smiling blissfully.
“Artemesia? Fuck me.”
“'Tis the name of a genus of plant, if I am not mistaken.”
Charles was perched in a tree on the hill overlooking the small cottage. Flapping his wings, he frowned down at the ground below, where stood his husband and their small son.
Charles silently dropped down beside them.
“Nana?” asked Elias, pointing towards the little house down below.
“Yes,” said Charles, taking the child. “That's Anna.” He turned to Ganesh. “How did you find me?”
“Just wanted to make certain you didn't stray into any trouble. We are in violation of two or three ancient laws. What else did they say?”
“Oh, they're force feeding her vegan crap. The way you did with this one,” said Charles, hiking up Elias.
“BEEGAN CWAP!”
“It didn't seem to do him any harm,” smiled Ganesh.
“I just hope she's gonna be OK,” sighed Charles.
“Well, she has a guardian angel watching over her now,” said Ganesh.
“Baap, two gaddien!” said Elias, holding up two fingers.
“That is correct. She has two guardian angels!” said Ganesh. To Charles he said, “Would you care to get home now?”
“Yeah, I guess. Wait!” he said, holding a finger in his ear. “Damn ear water still hasn't washed out. Yes, Edgar, what the fuck?” He listened for a moment. “Do I look like I give a motherfuck about the fucking whales? What? Whaddya mean, I'm just like my father? We'll talk later, Edgar.”
Charles sighed and began to walk with Ganesh. “So,” said Ganesh, “Nathan just told me before I departed that he wishes to try again to regain his human form. Whatever did you say to him?”
“Absolutely nothing.”
“Oh, that was clever!” said Ganesh.
“I'm a clever bastard,” grinned Charles. “Come on. Let's go home.”
“An hab da bie?” asked Elias.
“Yeah, sure. We’ll have pie. And ice cream,” promised Charles.
“Bie an scream!”
“Just a small slice for me, perhaps,” said Ganesh, patting his stomach. “Trying to watch the waistline.”
“I’ve told you before, I’ll watch it for you,” said Charles.
They smiled at each other.
And then they were there no more.
