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Title: Downward Facing Dog (Mythklok Interstitial)
Author: tikistitch
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Flexibility
Warnings: Swearing
Notes: Sooooo, I was writing a golf fic I thought I could submit at the last minute to the CLDK contest, but now LJ is down for the count, so I started doodling on this instead.

"Ai!" said Charles. "Ai! Ai! Aiiiiii! OW!” He fell to the floor, panting with exhaustion. “Ganesh,” he said, wiping the sweat from his brow, “my body was not meant to do that."

"Nonsense!" tutted Ganesh. "Yoga has been practiced for centuries! Without fatality."

"Yeah, you don't die, you just wanna die. Can I at least have a cigarette?"

"The point of these morning exercises is to reduce your cravings for cigarettes."

"But what do I need this shit for anyway? I'm fucking immortal."

"Everyone can bear added strength and flexibility! Didn't you say at lifting Boon was troubling your back?"

"Well, yeah, but why should I carry his ass when he can get up and walk his lazy self! Shiftless kid!"

Ganesh smiled. Charles was sitting cross-legged on the mat, and had thoughtlessly twisted into the lotus position. As he often did these days, Ganesh noticed, when his mind was otherwise occupied. Such as when he was coming up with excuses why he could not perform yoga moves.

“As one of the originators of Jnana yoga,” Ganesh said, grabbing Charles by the shoulders and attempted to pull him into a Marichyasana, “I can assure you it is an abiding system of philosophy, meditation-”

“Ow! How the hell did you have time to invent yoga? I thought you were busy – Aiiii! - writing the Kama Sutra?”

“Believe me, one serves as a great aid to the other,” Ganesh whispered in his ear.

“Sooooo.... Why don't we skip the – OW! - bending part and go right to the sex?”

“Am I interrupting?” Kam was at the door, a curious Elias gripping him by the hand.

“Believe me,” said Charles, once more contacting the mat with a thump, “you're not interrupting anything.”

“We are almost finished,” Ganesh told Kam, taking Elias' hand.

“ALMOST?” wailed Charles.

“Would Boonie like to do yoga with Daddy?” Ganesh inquired.

“Oh, why does he need to be flexible? He can put an entire foot in his own mouth!”

“Now,” explained Ganesh to his small son. “Hands at your sides. Bring your knee up. Very good!” Elias's face was a mask of furious concentration. “All right, now, grasp the ankle,” Ganesh continued. He demonstrated gracefully, though Elias, imitating him, was now bouncing a bit on his foot. “And extend,” Ganesh concluded, effortlessly sending his leg out to the side.

“Waiii!” said Elias, who had managed to keep a grasp of his foot as he tumbled to the floor. Ganesh, who was presently holding his ankle somewhere in the vicinity of his ear, merely smiled.

“An yoga an faw down, Dada!” Elias explained. “An owie an da bum!”

“That's OK,” said Charles, grabbing his kid. “Baap is kind of a show off.”

“I am nothing of the sort!” protested Ganesh, bringing his foot back down. “It merely takes practice.”

“Why not do a simpler one for the kid? Like Downward Facing Dog?” Charles said, winking at Elias.

“Ah, nothing could be simpler than Adho Mukha Svanasana! Simply start on hands an knees, and then push up.... And.... WAAAARGH!” Ganesh struggled back up on one elbow and looked around. “Boonie, we do not RIDE the downward facing dog.”

“Pony!” giggled his son from up on the small of Ganesh's back.

“Can angels take nothing seriously?” Ganesh asked, rolling over onto his back and catching Elias in his arms.

“We take important things seriously. Like pie. And cigars.”

Ganesh had curled his legs into his stomach, and stuck Elias' tummy onto the bottoms of his feet. And then he pushed his legs up, suspending Elias on top of his feet, up in the air. The boy squealed in delight. “Dada! An highya!” he laughed, gesturing upwards.

So then Ganesh pushed his pelvis carefully up off the floor, to balance on his shoulders, Elias still yelling for higher. So finally, Ganesh pushed up into a handstand, the boy perched very far up.

“Boon, whaddya think you're doing up there? Come down!” Charles yelled at him. With a very slight change in position from Ganesh, Elias slipped off his feet, and tumbled, giggling madly, into Charles' arms.

“So, now we're a circus act?” asked Charles, as Ganesh returned to earth, rubbing an arm across his now perspiring forehead.

“I thought we already were?” Ganesh smiled.

“Well, as long as there are no clowns, I guess that's OK with me.”

Date: 2011-07-27 11:58 pm (UTC)
nugatorytm: A group of bats flying against a yellow moon. (Default)
From: [personal profile] nugatorytm
Why does this remind me of the guys wanting to suck their own dicks? I'll bet Ganesh could do it.

Nathan: Hey. Hey Charles. We saw you doing that yoga shit the other day, and I gotta tell you, it's a pipe dream, bro. IT CAN'T BE DONE!

Charles: Just what the hell are you talking about?

Nathan: You know...sucking your you know what?

Charles: My you kno-- Why on earth would I want to do that myself, I have someone else to do that for me!

Nathan: Well good FOR YOU!

Charles: Nathan, you do realize that you can get a groupie up here anytime to do that for you.

Nathan: ...it's NOT THE SAME!

Ganesh: If you'd like, Nathan, I can give you lessons in flexibility.

Nathan: Nah, we all took a vote and decided that doing it yourself is kinda gay. Now, you said something about a groupie?

Ganesh: As you wish--Jaanu! Stop bashing your head against that wall! You'll muss your hair!

Date: 2011-07-28 12:22 am (UTC)
nugatorytm: A group of bats flying against a yellow moon. (Default)
From: [personal profile] nugatorytm
I'm really waiting for everyone to get smashed on Pickles' special blend and have a group orgy. Toki will knit dick cozies.

I'm betting (read: hoping) that they'll extend the contest entry deadline because of the DDoS attack on LJ. So go ahead and work on that golf fic if you're so inclined. I'm working on a camping story, myself.

Date: 2011-07-28 01:03 am (UTC)
nugatorytm: A group of bats flying against a yellow moon. (Default)
From: [personal profile] nugatorytm
And then they'll wake up and Nathan will go, "Isn't having sex with a man kinda GAY?"

Oh, someone should really explain the Kinsey Scale to Nathan. Who knows, maybe he's 'kinda' gay, too. ;D

Nathan: Toki, you realize that if we run out of food, Mr. Hoppity gets to be rabbit stew.

Toki: OH NOES! NOTS MR. HOPPITY! HE AMS MY BESTEST FRIENDS, HOW COULDS YOU EVEN T'INKS OF EATINGS HIM! Looks at dat cutsies face... *picks up bunny, shoves it at Nathan*

Mr. Hoppity: *wiggles nose*

Nathan: Eucch. Okay, okay, we won't eat the rabbit. Happy?

Toki: YAYS! Amn't dat de good news, Mr. Hoppity, you stays alive for evers and evers... *cuddles Mr. Hoppity and the rabbit bites him on the nose* OUCH! Stupids bunny, now look what you ams does! You gets a times out! *punts the rabbit into some bushes* And don'ts comes out until you says you sorries!

Nathan: O_O

Date: 2011-07-28 01:44 am (UTC)
nugatorytm: A group of bats flying against a yellow moon. (Default)
From: [personal profile] nugatorytm
I'll send you the snippet I'm working on. Nathan is having problems just getting out on the road.

Much hilarity will ensue.
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