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Title: Baptism, A/K/A Life, the Universe and Everything (Mythklok, Chapter 42)
Author: tikistitch
Rating: NC-17
Summary: Raziel’s brats get their Names. Featuring, monkeys!
Warnings: Slash, AU, OCs, swearing
Notes: Notes after the jump.

Cross-posted to [livejournal.com profile] capslokdethklok.

This is the real Chapter 42. No kidding. Though Charles still kind of has a dark and troubled past. But, he doesn't vomit! Probably. If Ganesh got him the bicarbonate in time.



Mythklok is a Metalocalypse AU. If you're behind and for some strange reason wanna catch up, the best place is my fic journal, [livejournal.com profile] tikific, where you are welcome to come visit the bits I’ve written and maybe poke them with a pointed stick. I've also written a general introduction in case you wanna jump in the middle of things, or have forgotten all this stuff due to Real Life.

Sooo, last time: Everybody was pretty annoyed that they have to go to a Naming ceremony for Raziel's evil twins. Charles argued with his dad and caused some amusing property damage (including a bit of dreadlock amputation). Pickles is planning to go to Australia to contact the Dream Walkers there, though Charles is making him drag Toki along, partly to keep him away from Sushi’s XXX fic. Charles and Raziel went shopping and ended up partying with a bunch of Renaissance angels at a wing bar, and made Ganesh cry from Fashion Envy.

Also, here be MONKEYS, because Corvidmoon requested ‘em.



Baptism
A/K/A Life, the Universe, and Everything


Valhalla, Naming Day....

Raziel having borne her twins, it was the next milestone in the youngsters’ so far brief lives to be officially Named.

It may, therefore, be meet at this juncture to explain what a Naming signifies, in these modern times, and what it does not.

The Naming most definitely did not signify that their parents – who were only mildly sleep-deprived, thanks to a veritable army of governesses, nurses, cooks, cleaners and bottle washers arrayed by Raziel, who was used to leading troops to battle – in the months since the happy event hadn't already chosen appellations for the tots. The blond male, unofficially named Liam, was now most often addressed by his proud father as, “My boy,” this phrase being often followed by a myriad of fatherly advice and counsel, which was surely weighed appropriately by a being who as yet had fewer teeth than fingers.

His mother, as a committed fan of 20th century film, had taken to calling the blond, curly haired oft-smiling offspring, Harpo, a reference which was lost on her husband, which was probably for the good. The female, a pretty child unofficially named Abigail, who could be cantankerous if she did not get her way (such demand often consisting of a simple insistence to be the sole occupant of her befuddled Uncle Sariel's lap) Raziel tended to call Little Diva, and Wotan, who was already more than a bit wrapped around her chubby little pinkie finger, referred to her simply as "The prettiest girl." As in, "Who's the prettiest girl?"

In ancient practice, a Naming was a magical ceremony, wherein an odd-smelling and grizzled shaman bestowed mysterious and secret power words upon unsuspecting infants. As it happened, in a modern world full of college financial aid applications and bills of divorcement, proper Names had been somewhat drained of their ineffability. The Naming became rather a sort of treaty signing ceremony, wherein various pantheons would enter into or firm up an alliance through the choosing of an heir's sixth or seventh middle name.

For Wotan's twins, Great Brahma of the Celestial Heavens of the Eastern Kingdom himself had proposed Names, a happenstance that had not occurred within anyone's recent memory, as Brahma was currently known to regard everything but his beloved garden, his cherished Sarasvati, and his dear Financial Times as "a bunch of nonsense." But Brahma, and especially his Sarasvati, were quite taken with Sariel the angel, who was currently involved with their nephew, Ganesh, and also happened to be the mother's somehow relative.

In recognition of this very high honor, Wotan had kept the other Naming agents for his children down to a bare minimum. Their other names had come from Wotan's family, Lady Raziel's family (as suggested formally by her brother, Sariel), the Lady herself (as she wished a pair of names that were "cute") and the human rock band, Dethklok. It was highly unusual to allow humans in on this sort of thing, but as Lady Raziel was regarded as a bit eccentric, and no one really wanted to get on Wotan's bad side, this oddity passed largely unremarked.

What was a more overt matter of gossip was how the angelic Headquarters, if indeed such a thing still existed, would react to participation in a Naming ceremony by two beings who were genetically a good half angelic in origin. Not only had there been nothing quite like this in recent memory, a search of the archives (or such as had survived the fire and destruction of the angelic library) reported no such event in history. Angelic blood was formally entering. The pantheons.

On the appointed day, an angelic visitor arrived in Valhalla.

Archangel Michael appeared, walking from the woods, accompanied by two nervous-looking Cherubic attendants.

“Ah, Michael!” Wotan gushed. “So, how are things going? We tried to send an invitation to your Honored colleague Gabriel, but the raven kept coming back.”

Wotan and his father in law, the angel Phanuel, stood smiling at the big Seraph, who snorted, “You won’t find Gabriel soon.”

“Then the war is won?” Wotan inquired. “Ought I offer my congratulations?”

“For now.” Michael glared at the Grey angel. "Honored Brother Phanuel. It's been a while."

"Has it?" Phanuel inquired.

"Headquarters is awaiting your report."

"Are they? I wasn’t aware there was. A Headquarters.”

“We are … in the process of rebuilding.”

“Without my engineers? Amusing.”

Michael glowered. “Since we seem to be catching up on idle gossip, would you like to tell me what happened with Morningstar?”

"Morningstar? Idle gossip?" Phanuel said, raising an eyebrow.

“That was unfortunate,” Wotan admitted. “My family is very important to me. The most important thing. A man who doesn't spend time with his family can never be a real man. And, there are some things I tolerate, and some things – and as a man in your position, Michael, you’ll appreciate this – some things I cannot tolerate. And cannot be seen as tolerating. And, involvement in a plot that could have ended with my brother in law dead? A step over the line. Matters had to be dealt with."

“And the Morningstar?” Michael pressed.

“Unfortunately, terminated,” Wotan explained.

“Terminated. With extreme prejudice,” Phanuel smiled.

“What is to become of the underworld?” Michael huffed.

“Fortunately, we have brought in new management,” Wotan grinned, clapping Phanuel on the back.

"Honored Phanuel?" Michael hissed. “I never received your letter of resignation."

"I never sent one." There was just the barest smile.

"You can't just pick up and leave!"

"I seem to have done. Just. That." Phanuel caressed the words as if they were delicious treats.

"I will not let you both get away with this! Not both you and Raziel!"

"Hrm. So. Drag me up to your balcony. Strip me to my skivvies. And toss me off? Is that the intent?" Phanuel raised an eyebrow.

Michael merely glowered.

"Good luck. With that." The smile had grown a millimeter wider. Michael took a half step back. He wasn't entirely certain when Raziel had come to stand beside Phanuel.

"Is my party guest annoying you. Father?"

Michael went pale.

“Why no. Beloved daughter. We are simply having. A courteous conversation.”

Michael looked between the two. Whether he knew or had guessed the relationship was not clear. What was clear was that Archangel Michael was sore afraid of Lady Raziel.

“I suppose,” Michael began at length, “at some point, you’ll have to tell those children what their grandfather is doing?”

“Better than having to tell them he’s an Archangel,” Raziel laughed. Then she turned. “Oh, look, they’re here!” she gushed. Soon she was surrounded by air-kissing angels, some of the true-formed, babbling in a mixture of Italian and Common Angelic.

Michael was aghast. “They have come to your estate with wings out, Wotan!”

“Yeah. The genuine Renaissance angels! Good-lookin’ bastards, huh? I need to watch my Raziel among them! Hey, Raz!” He strode over to the party, and soon he and Phanuel were being subjected to enthusiastic greetings of their own. Then Raziel waved over to where Michael was standing.

The big Seraph actually tried to sneak away. But instead he and his attendants were soon surrounded by wildly gesticulating and apparently rather agitated angels.

"That Michael. Always making new friends," Raziel grinned.



“So, dood, dese are wut? Yer cousins?”

Skwisgaar looked over the bassinet and sneered. “Pffft. Dey ams halfs-brother. And halfs-sister.”

Liam blinked and babbled something, so Pickles grabbed him. “Hey, baby dood.”

Skwisgaar rolled his eyes and stalked off.

“Whoa,” Pickles said to Charles, who had just come up behind him. “An’ I t’ought yoo hated kids.”

Charles shrugged. “I don’t hate these specifically. It’s more a matter of general principle.”

“Yoo t’ink dey remind him of all his paternity soot shit?”

Charles studied Pickles for what seemed a long time. Finally he said, “You realize, I can’t say anything about that, on the record? They are not his children. Any of them.”

Pickles nodded, intrigued. Charles held out a finger, and Liam caught it. The baby babbled something that sounded a bit like the angel language.

“Unofficially. Off the record. A lot of those kids?" Charles shrugged his shoulders. "It’s pretty easy to bleach hair. Some of ‘em, you could even see the roots growing out. But, you know, you can sense it now, too, right?”

Pickles studied Liam. “Dese babies ain’t human.”

Charles nodded. “It’s a lot easier to just pay them off. But Skwisgaar. There was something else. That was his big demand, when we were forming the band. It wasn’t pay or billing. He wanted the freaking paternity wavers.”

“Really?”

“Yeah.”

Pickles regarded Liam for a moment. The curly haired tot looked a lot like what humans might call cherubic, with a round face and blond curls. He gave a happy baby smile.

“At that point…” Charles continued. “I dunno. I wanted to start the band. I didn’t give a….”

“Yoo know. Yoo really can say feck aroun’ da babies. Dey don’ mind.”

Charles frowned.

“Dood. You t’ink yoo fecked up?”

“I dunno.”

"But, you t'ink about it now."

"Yeah. I guess."

Pickles frowned. “Dat ain’t like yoo.”

“Yeah. I know.”



‘Yes, Father,” said Ganesh.

To be honest, Ganesh wasn’t 100% certain what he was agreeing with. Lord Shiva was holding forth, as was his preference, in Hindi, and although it was Ganesh’s first language, Ganesh had been spending a bit of the afternoon trying to communicate with the Renaissance angels, who spoke in a bewildering mixture of Common Angelic and Italian. He had picked up a bit of Common from listening to Sariel curse, and from various new staff, both at Mordhaus, and up at the Imperial City. And anyone who considered themselves serious about couture needed a bit of Italian. But, as a consequence, he couldn't seem to find much motivation to attend to his father.

Ganesh had served not only as Shiva's son and heir, but as his loyal amanuensis for eons. He would put up with Shiva's moods, try to bring his more erratic ideas into line, and suffer it all with good humor. It was strange. Shiva had only retired very recently, leaving his business empire (and, parenthetically, his religious establishment) officially in Ganesh's many capable hands. But it seemed Ganesh had very quickly gotten used to a life absent his father. Which made him feel more than a little bit guilty. He wished he owned a remote control that would take him back in time a minute or so, so he could actually attend to whatever Lord Shiva was on about.

"So, you intend to produce an heir in the near future?" Shiva demanded.

Oh, that. Ganesh no longer wished for a remote control. He now simply wished to disappear. Ideally, off the face of the planet.

It wasn't that he felt averse to the notion of children. Quite the contrary. And he was grateful that, whatever his father's feelings on the subject, Shiva had somehow resigned himself to the fact that his son and sole heir was basically cohabiting with an angel. On the other hand, said angel appeared to have incredibly complicated feelings regarding children, and Ganesh was hoping to sort these out before actually making any concrete plans in that regard.

"We could always bring back one of Skanda's heirs! There is nothing lacking in that department!" Shiva scolded. It was true, Skanda was quite generous in his production of offspring, legitimate and otherwise. Sadly - and Ganesh had given this matter a bit of study - the great majority of these beings seemed to take rather closely after their father. They were, in a word, dumb as rocks. He supposed it would be possible to find the least horrid of the bunch and give them some kind of role. But he was more than a bit chary that the least stupid would also turn out to be the most scheming.

"Honored Sariel," his father said, suddenly switching to English.

"Lord Shiva! Have you had the opportunity to meet my father, Ogoun Sen Jacque?"

“Your…?” began the blue god.

"Lord Shiva!' Jacque blustered, machetes rattling at his belt. "It is one hell of an honor! I appreciate your motherfucking work, destroying! And your son is one good-looking little cocksucker!" he added, slapping Ganesh on the back.

"Er," said Shiva.

"You a cigar smoking man?" Jacque inquired. "I can talk to any motherfucker I can smoke a cigar with!"

Ganesh found himself being led away. "Well," he told Sariel. "That ought to be ... interesting."

"Strategic paternal deployment," Sariel grinned.

"Isn't it about time for the ceremony?" Ganesh asked.

"Yeah, I suppose I gotta get to the altar. Have you seen your uncle around yet?"

"He detests these things. He usually arrives moments beforehand and then disappears back to his garden immediately afterwards."

"Really? But, they're his freaking ceremonies."

"You know how he is. Impossible!"

"I think he's pretty cool, actually."

"You would think that, the way he dotes on you!"

"Do you think my favorite Auntie will bring me pie?"

Ganesh sighed.

"OK, what's up?" Sariel asked.

"My father was simply giving me shit again about producing an heir."

"Yeah. I had about the same conversation with my dad. Uh, probably with a few more 'cocksuckers' thrown in."

"Sariel."

"Yeah."

"I want a child."

"OK."

"What do you mean OK?"

"We'll get you a child."

"HOW?"

"I dunno. Steal one? Which twin is your favorite?"

"Wouldn't Lady Raziel tend to put us to a rather painful...?"

"Oh, yeah, she'd kick our asses."

"Then why the hell did you...?"

"You seemed to require quick action."

Ganesh smiled and shook his head.

"Look, I've been through this with Jacque," Sariel told him "A million times. With property destruction. I don't think a human woman is a great idea."

"Yes. Probably not."

"Are any of Skanda's relatives...?"

"No."

"That bad huh?"

"You have no idea." Ganesh looked up. "I think Uncle has arrived."

"OK. Well. We continue this later?"

Ganesh nodded sadly. "Er, Sariel, just out of curiosity, you do know what is involved in being a Naming sponsor?"

"Of course! I wore a tie!"



Lord Brahma's party arrived by elephant back.

A train of elephants, to be specific.

(Indian elephants, to be even more specific.)

The elephants were bedecked in jeweled saddles and headdresses.

"My mother says the old blighter arrived twenty minutes late to my Naming," Ganesh huffed. "And then nipped off to the pub!"

"Well, after a thousand names. Maybe he needed a drink?" Sariel laughed.

"Old show off."

"Why didn't you bring elephants?" Sariel asked.

"I could have!" Ganesh averred. "I could have...." but he was interrupted, as one of Brahma's lead elephants had just embraced the god rather enthusiastically in its trunk. "Yes, I adore you too, dear, but could you please put me down? This is raw silk!"

There were musicians and dancers, of course, and brightly dressed swordsmen. There were beings riding bicycles, and a few who seemed to be carried along on clouds.

Raziel and Wotan held up the twins to see. The babies gawped at the spectacle.

They weren't the only ones.

"CHARLES THEY BROUGHT MONKEYS!" Nathan crisply informed his manager. He had one of the same hugging his broad shoulders.

"Yes, I can see that, Nathan."

"I like monkeys. MONKEYS ARE AWESOME!"

"Yes, that's very nice Nathan."

"LOOK GANESH DUDE!" Nathan exclaimed to the god who had just been released by his own animal friend. The simian, spying Ganesh, leapt off Nathan shoulders and onto Ganesh's.

"RAW SILK!" the frustrated god sighed. "Is this concept simply too elaborate to be contemplated?"

"Hey, Ganesh, don't touch my monkey!" Nathan warned.

"I wouldn't dream of it, Nathan," Ganesh told him, shooing the simian back to the lead singer.

"Are THESE the infants in question?" Great Brahman harrumphed, as a dozen loyal retainers had him dismounted from his pachyderm. Lord Brahma's elephant was large and red as he, and covered with colorful markings.

"Say hello to your Unky Brahma!" Raziel chirped, waving Abby's chubby paw for her.

"Oh, jaanu, aren't they the most precious little things!" Sarasvati trilled, swiftly plucking up both infants in two sets of arms.

"Look like babies to me. Bunch of nonsense," Brahma huffed.

“Of course it’s nonsense, you big red ass,” Michael grumbled.

"MICHAEL! What do YOU think you're doing here at my Namakarana ceremony, you GREAT BARREL OF OX DUNG?" Brahma demanded.

"These are angelic beings! I am here as a representative of Headquarters, you pagan phony!" Michael countered.

"Hmpf! This is the best Headquarters could muster? Two file clerks?" Brahma sniffed, indicating Michael’s now terrified attendants.

"Elephants? What are you compensating for?"

“Is this not the most awesome thing ever?” Raziel whispered Sariel.

“Darn. I wish I had it on video.”

“I am capschturing the moment,” Murderface assured them, holding up his Dethphone.

"I wanna copy!" Raziel laughed.

"You, sir, are a baboon!" Micheal was huffing. One of Brahma's monkeys cooperatively hopped onto his head just then.



After a round of primate social behavior, infants were finally arrayed around the altar so the ceremony could be conducted for the actual babies.

"I'm BORED," Nathan Explosion wittily commented.

"SHHHHHH!"

"So, Sariel the Angel, will you serve as Naming sponsor for this child?" Great Brahma intoned.

"Uh," said Sariel, who, it must be remembered, was a lawyer.

"Will you serve as the girl's spiritual guide?" Brahma harrumphed.

"Will I WHAT?" asked Sariel, who wondered what this had to do with the fact that he'd worn a tie.

"Oversee her connection with the divine."

"But it's all a load of BULLSHIT!"Sariel protested. "I'm not gonna fill her head with nonsense."

"So, you'll do it?" Wotan asked.

"But I don't believe in any of that shit," Sariel repeated.

"Eh. Neither do we," Raziel admitted, handing over Abby, who had started to fuss. The small angel immediately settled down as soon as Sariel awkwardly hefted her. "But you calm her down when she's cranky."

Michael had stood up. “I don’t believe…”

“Michael!” Wotan shouted. “Gods dammit. I’m still cleaning up from when you tried to interrupt my damn wedding. Sit the fuck down and shut the fuck up!”

"Want me to punch him?" Nathan called.

"Not right now, Nathan," Sariel called.

Michael sat.

“Sariel the angel, will you be the Naming sponsor for Signhild Leia Tzaphkiel Lakshmi Abigail?” Great Brahma repeated.

“Yeah, sure, what the fuck?”

“Is that a yes?”

“Yes.”

“Leia was MY SUGGESTION,” Nathan whispered in a not terribly whispery voice.

“Oh, ja where is dats froms?” Skwisgaar sighed.

“Oh, you don’t know?” Nathan asked.

“SHHHHH!”

“And Lord Shiva, will you be the Naming sponsor for Ragnar Luke Phanuel Krisna Liam?” Brahma asked of the blue god, who now held said infant in one set of arms.

“LUKE WAS-“

“SHHHHH!”

“Shiva will do this! I am Shiva!”

Brahma sprinkled red powder on the foreheads of the babies, causing both Abby and Sariel to sneeze.

"May the day consign you to the night. May the night consign you to the day," Brahma repeated.

"What the fuck does that mean?" Sariel groused.

"I'm not exactly sure, but I saw it on a greeting card once and found it splendid!" Brahma confessed.

“Can we DRINK BEER NOW?” Nathan called.

“Yes, Nathan!” Wotan told him.

“Cool. WANT ME TO PUNCH MICHAEL NOW? Because I really feel like punching somebody.”

Sariel and Wotan looked at each other.

“SURE GO AHEAD!” Sariel called.

Raziel gave a low whistle. "Whoa, look at him run!" she said. "Is anybody taping this?"



“And now, the baptism!” Raziel cried.

Sariel had to admit, it was pretty cool. The Renaissance angels were all posed dramatically about amidst Great Brahma's elephants and monkeys out by the ricotta that ran in back of Valhalla. A much cheered looking Ganesh had actually gotten two easels out, and was gleefully working on two canavses, at the same time, one oil and one watercolor.

There was a gospel choir in full swing, howling call and response choruses of doom and apocalypse.

"Who's that writin'?
John the Revelator!
Who's that writin’?
John the Revelator!
A book of the seven seals…”


"Where did you assemble their set list from?" Sariel asked.

"Dick Knubbler helped me! Look!" Raziel told him, handing him a CD.

"World's Scariest and Most Disturbing Gospel Songs? Huh. Hadn’t heard of this one.”

“Sariel, have you met Reverend Gantry!” Raziel asked, introducing a man in a Roman collar. He had remarkably shiny teeth.

“Gantry? You’re kidding," said Sariel. He looked up at Wotan, who was holding his children. Wotan grinned and rolled his eyes.

"What is this insanity?" Michael demanded.

"Let's hear some fire and brimstone, Rev. Gantry!" Raziel called.

"He's a two bit hack," Michael grumbled.

"BROTHER MICHAEL!" Rev. Gantry intoned, "Why point out the SPECK in mine eyes when thou hast a BEAM in thine own! I say, CAST OUT THE BEAM in thine own eyes first!"

"Blasphemous," Michael huffed.

"BEWARE the false prophets! Who come to you in sheep's clothing, but inwardly are RAVENOUS WOLVES!" thundered Rev. Gantry.

"How much is she paying you?" Michael grumbled.

"No servant can serve TWO MASTERS! You cannot serve GOD and MAMMON!"

“He’s good, huh?” Raziel asked Sariel.

“I have to say, I’m entertained.”

“Are you ready to ABSOLVE these babes of their SINS?” Rev. Gantry asked Raziel.

“Let’s go, Rev!” Raziel called. She grabbed a kid and approached the river with Rev. Gantry.

"Uh, but Wotan, you guys aren't even Catholic."

"You know about going against my Raziel when she gets a notion!" Wotan grinned.

"What kind of freaking sin are they washing away? They're babies!"

Raziel was up enthusiastically swapping off babies. Abby looked pretty much the same, though she seemed a bit annoyed to have he hair mussed.

"Just humor My Lady for a few more moments, and we'll smoke some damn cigars!" Wotan told him.

Raziel and Gantry returned with another damp baby.

“Have you been washed in the BLOOD OF THE LAMB my son?” Reverend Gantry asked Sariel.

“Er, not that I recall,” Sariel answered.

"I'm gonna go get a smoke," Wotan laughed.

“Then come on and RECEIVE YOUR BAPTISM!” the Reverend announced, striding out into the stream.

“Ooo, I wanna try!” Raziel trilled. She sat down and removed her boots (“They’re Valentino” she explained, handing them to a rather annoyed looking Sariel) and hopped into the river after Reverend Gantry.

“Are you ready to WASH AWAY YOUR SIN?” Rev. Gantry asked.

“FUCK YEAH!” called Raziel.

Rev. Gantry dunked her. The gospel choir's voices sounded in the distance. Raziel came back up, shooting a gusher of water. “WOO-HOO!”

She padded dripping, back up the bank. “Come on Sariel,” she told him, grabbing her boots and shaking out her hair. Sariel cringed, caught in the spray. “You gotta try it!”

“Raziel, you’re completely insane.”

“Come on, Sariel! You just evaded death! And you have a boyfriend with a hot ass! Now’s the time to start afresh!”

“OK. OK. What the fuck. I hate this suit anyway.” Sariel paused and handed Raziel his eyeglasses, and then marched out into the stream.

“You claim this crud is gonna was away two thousand years of sins?” he asked Rev. Gantry.

Who was already dunking him.

Sariel therefore didn’t have time to catch a last breath. And Rev. Gantry held him down an instant too long.

He grasped out.

Drowning.

An elevator. With a cut cable….

But there was someone else there. “Don’t worry,” he said, reaching out his four arms to Sariel.

And Sariel was up out of the water, gasping for breath, Rev. Gantry steadying him.

He stumbled out of the water. He collapsed onto a rock beside Raziel. She handed him his eyeglasses. He looked at her, with his two differently colored eyes.

“I didn’t tell you something,” he said.

“Didn’t tell me what?”

“When I was with Our Father?” She nodded. “Before you got there. There was…. I was gonna give up. I was gonna let him kill me. But someone told me to keep going. Keep talking to him.”

“Someone?”

“I…. I don’t know who. I think…. I don’t know.”

“If you two are through clowing around,” Wotan said, handing off a twin to Raziel, “we’re gonna go watch Uncle Ganesh paint.”

They walked up the path to where the Renaissance angels were fashionably draped amongst the rocks and trees, and monkeys and elephants and wolves and tigers. (Well, one tiger.)

From behind his easel, Ganesh gestured at Sariel. “Come along. You too.”

“Me too what?”

“I need you to pose!”

Sariel shook his head. “Yeah, whatever, I’m sopping anyway.” And so he threw off his jacket and shirt and True Formed and went to stand with the Renaissance angels. “So what the fuck are you waiting for?” he yelled at Raziel.

“What?” she called.

“You’re the one who’s all about how wings out is chic.”

“But….” Raziel started. Wotan grinned at her and gestured, and she handed Liam to him. She removed her sopping blouse, stripping down to her black bustier, and True Formed as well.

“Favoloso!” called Ganesh, gesturing many thumbs up.



Phanuel had a lap full of his grandson.

He pulled out an earbud.

"So, this is what you fellows term. Death. Metal."

"Kick asch," Murderface told him.

"It is rather compelling. Is it not?"

"It's metal, Phanny baby, yeah!" Dick Knubbler gushed.

The Grey angel raised an eyebrow at the appellation, but continued. "We have, as you know, a number of musicians in the Underworld."

"Yeah. We drove there oncsche. The fifth schircle."

"I am wondering if our residents would appreciate a demonstration."

"A conschert in Hell?" Murderface asked.

"The Underworld. We are rather insistent. We are in the process. Of rebranding," Phanuel told them with a small smile. He spotted the red god ambling past. "Now. If you will excuse me." He hefted Liam and rose. "Great Brahma? A word?"

"Ah! And how is the little one settling into his Name?" Brahma inquired, plucking away the grinning baby.

"I wanted to inquire after Morningstar's garden. I understand you laid the plans."

Brahma actually paused. "You are a gardener?" he gasped.

"A mere amateur next to you. I am afraid."

"We must talk!" Brahma insisted.

"The pomegranates are really quite lovely...."



Rev. Gantry was packing up.

Sariel, who was still True Formed, went to sit by him. “Are you taking off, Elmer?"

“I must return to my medicine show.”

“Why do you do it?”

“You know. I am The Word.”

“How the heck did Raziel find you?”

“She called. I came. I am always in the service of my Beloved Sister.”

Sariel looked at Him a moment. “I saw Our Father.”

“I heard. You ought forgive Him, Beloved Brother Sariel.”

“Eh. He’s a dick.”

“Great wrongs were committed against you.”

“No worse than what was done to you.”

Rev. Gantry held out a hand.

Sariel cringed away. “You know I’m Fallen.”

Rev. Gantry laid a hand on Sariel’s forehead. Sariel closed his eyes. He shivered to his wing tips.

When he opened his eyes, Rev. Gantry wasn’t there any more.

“Oh, there you are, little jaanu!” Auntie Sarasvati trilled. “I brought something for you!” Sariel found himself being rushed up the path by the giant goddess.

There was a picnic table.

Entirely covered with pies.

"Thank you, Elmer!" Sariel called.



Ganesh paused. He had gone inside to grab some bicarbonate from his medical bag for Sariel, as the greedy angel would no doubt be needing it in the near future. But the sight had arrested him. Sariel's father, Jacque, was presently (and colorfully) teaching his father, Lord Shiva, to fence with machetes.

And his father, the old bastard, seemed to be rather enjoying himself.

Lord Liam sat nearby on the grass, enjoying the spectacle of flashing swords.

Lady Raziel, and Ganesh's mother, Lady Parvati, sat beside Liam. It is quite possible that only Ganesh would have noticed this. Although he recognized his mother's legendary beauty, he was not so smitten by it as other beings. So it was that when Raziel grabbed Liam and tickled him, producing some rather pleasing baby babble that sounded, as it always did from those two, vaguely angelic, Parvati looked at Liam. And frowned.

Gamesh frowned himself. He tightened his grip on the bicarbonate, and went to seek out his no doubt overstuffed angelic boyfriend.



Ganesh's residence....

The media room wasn't quite done, but close enough. They were supposed to be watching some kind of DVD, but at a certain point, Ganesh had decided to try out a foot massage on Sariel, who now wished he had as many feet as Ganesh had hands. He was trying to work out, philosophically, how this could not be considered physical contact. Because, he rather liked it. He decided his feet were, after all, rather a long distance from his head.

It was at that point that Pickles appeared.

"Doods," he said quietly. Yeah, your third wheel is here, is what he thought.

"Pickles!" Sariel called. But then he saw the drummer distractedly look off to the corner of the room. "Uh, been into your special blend?"

"Doods. Dere's anudder spirit here," Pickles told them.

"What?"

"You got t'ree spirits here." He held up three fingers.

Ganesh looked up. "You don't think.... Tzaphkiel...?"

"Our kind.... We don't usually do that," Sariel said.

"No." Pickles turned again, as if he was trying to catch something elusive out of the corner of his eye. "It ain't Tzaphkiel. I dunno dem." He looked at Sariel and Ganesh, puzzlement in his eyes.

"Is it an angel? Can you tell?" Ganesh asked.

"Soopernatcheral like," Pickles said.

"Can't you look?" Sariel asked Ganesh.

"Read an aura? I need a living being for that."

They were silent for a moment.

"Uh. Anyway. Doods. I was.... I mean, me an' Toki...."

"You're taking off?" Sariel asked. "For Australia?"

"Kindly be careful," Ganesh cautioned.

"Raz is sendin' Bast wit' us too."

"That's good. She knows Seth," Sariel told him.

"I t'ought I knew Set'!"

"We need to do something," Ganesh said.

"What's that?" Sariel asked?

"See him off."

Sariel smiled.



Pickles gasped.

Sariel always seemed to be so careful with him. When he was the angel.

"You've got him?"

It was whispered. Sariel to Ganesh.

"I have him."

Ganesh to Sariel.

Ganesh had two sets of arms around him, holding him, cradling him. He wasn't sure.... There was something between the two of them now. Sariel was looking into his eyes, and touched his cheek very tenderly. And then the angel slid down his body. Pickles drew his knees up. How he wanted to be touched. How he wanted this to happen. Sariel's fingers were inside him now, cold with the lubricant. Always so careful with him. And everything now, always so slow. Always a beat too slow. He had started to slow his rhythms, had started to move more like Ganesh. He probably didn't even realize. The two of them. Something between them...

And then Pickles was writhing again. So exquisite it was. Being penetrated. Oh, god, the beautiful angel. Not his angel. Sariel had never been his. Not that way. Not the way he had wanted. But he didn't care. He didn't...

He saw the wings unfurling. The play of light.

And he was....

So many doors....

Pickles saw suddenly the infinite expanse of years, a door opening, and another door behind that one, and another behind that, in a line so astounding he gasped, shaking at the precipice of infinity. Confused. Delighted. He thought Sariel was nearby, but he didn't know. He opened a door, picking one at random. And then Uriah had knocked him to the floor, And then a girl with dark hair and eyes was smiling at him, offering him her hand. Then it was a smiling boy, with dark, silver-tipped wings. and then it was Pickles himself, near the time SnB was breaking up, scowling and tossing his cigarette to the floor and stalking off in fury, and then he was playing the drums, that sweet, perfect moment, when he was part of the kit, when he was the music, and then it was all swept away, and he was on the bed, and two sets of Ganesh's arms wrapped tightly around him.

"We're here, we're both here, and we care for you," Ganesh was whispering to him.

Sariel's hand was on Pickles' cheek. "Are you all right?" he said.

Pickles grabbed the hand and held it to him.

"I didn't know. I didn't have any idea. What you are. What it's like."

"Please be careful," Sariel told him. "Come back. To us."



It was late.

Sariel had pulled on some pajama pants (Ganesh's, as he didn't own any pajamas) and padded out into the kitchen, mooching around for something to eat.

He hadn't bothered to Court Form. There weren't a lot of servants around yet.

He liked being able to walk around like this.

But he was really hungry. He carried the plate back through Ganesh's deserted media room. Where Pickles claimed he'd sensed the other spirit.

New age crystal crap.

But.

Going into other people's dreams - it was rude.

But Sariel was a bit rude.

And he wasn't entirely sure this was a person.

He forked in a mouthful of pie, and, almost as an afterthought, cocked his head and listened.

Ganesh and Raziel had decided to keep hardwood floors in this room, and to lay down a couple of nice Persian carpets. Sariel wasn't standing over one of the carpets, however, so when the delicate china plate fell to the floor, it shattered. It was a soft, almost musical sound. It really shouldn't have woken Ganesh up, but he was there. He had pulled on a robe. And Pickles was there, scratching his head. He hadn’t bothered to pull on anything.

“What is it?” Ganesh asked, his hands on Sariel’s shouders.

Sariel was still staring at the fallen plate. “It was…. Tzaphkiel’s vision. The boy.” He looked at Ganesh. “Our boy.”

“Whoa,” said Pickles.



Somewhere, not so far away….

It looked like a painter’s studio.

Except there was no external light source.

Someone was mounting a painting. It had been carefully framed.

The painting was very simple. It was a handprint With some writing underneath.

And over that on the wall, there was a sword, also carefully mounted.

If you looked carefully, you could see an engraving on the hilt. Written in Hindi.

Vignesha, Vigneshvara.

Date: 2011-04-03 12:53 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] corvidmoon.livejournal.com
Great fic!!!

I admit though I dont know who Rev. Gantry is.

And MONKEYS YAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!! *Flails*

Date: 2011-04-03 01:01 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] corvidmoon.livejournal.com
And Phanuel is Awesome!
And Yay Pickles got some love!
And I don't like babies or kids either but I think I'm gonna like these!

And damn your cliffhangers!

MONKEYS!!

Date: 2011-04-03 01:32 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] tikific.livejournal.com
Everything is at least 25% better with monkeys.

(Though Ganesh might disagree when he's wearing raw silk.)

Date: 2011-04-03 01:38 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] tikific.livejournal.com
I don't know who Rev. Gantry is.

I don't think He's been mentioned since Chapter 2.

Date: 2011-04-03 01:39 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] corvidmoon.livejournal.com
Ah, well let me go re-read that real quick.

Date: 2011-04-03 01:55 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] tikific.livejournal.com
One character made one quick comment, and He wasn't going by Rev. Gantry.

Date: 2011-04-03 02:13 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] corvidmoon.livejournal.com
Hmm, I think I'm gonna have to call "Uncle" on this one. I can't seem to find it.

Date: 2011-04-03 02:15 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] corvidmoon.livejournal.com
Oh yeah, Luke and Leia. The boys would use Star Wars for inspiration! *snerk*

Date: 2011-04-03 02:29 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] tikific.livejournal.com
I had to do it. I mean, boy and girl twins with special powers?

Date: 2011-04-03 09:17 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] wikdsushi.livejournal.com
Yeah, as soon as I saw "Leia," I burst out laughing. Doesn't help that I got to see Paul this evening. Oh, man, you and Mr. Tiki NEEEEEEED to see that. It's an awesome movie, and the sly little references are amazing.

Date: 2011-04-03 02:27 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] tikific.livejournal.com
I was invited along to see Paul, but it was one of those days when I'd only gotten 2 hours sleep, so had to pass. The way we're going, we'll probably have to catch it on DVD. And I love Simon Pegg.

Date: 2011-04-03 02:32 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] zsomeone.livejournal.com
TOO MANY HAPPENINGS.

That's good though. Well, good for me, less good for you becasue I then suck at commenting.

Star Wars babies... well those are pretty fitting names all around. Twins, blong boy and dark girl... makes perfect sense.

Date: 2011-04-03 02:48 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] tikific.livejournal.com
That's good though. Well, good for me, less good for you becasue I then suck at commenting.

Go draw Raziel. :-P

Star Wars babies... well those are pretty fitting names all around. Twins, blong boy and dark girl... makes perfect sense.

You didn't prefer Skippy and Murgatroyd? :D

Date: 2011-04-03 03:00 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] zsomeone.livejournal.com
Heh, I'm kinda still stalling? I'll most likely do something at some point though. Tonight, I mean.

Date: 2011-04-03 03:13 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] tikific.livejournal.com
Just remember, I walked 30 miles in the snow, uphill both ways, to bring you this week's chapter! ^^;;;

(Actually, no, I sat on my ass drinking kahlua.) :D

Date: 2011-04-03 07:22 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] zsomeone.livejournal.com
You went all Ganesh on my internet, didn't you?
Soon after you posted that last comment, my internet crashed and stayed out all night. Clearly, I should blame you.

But I did finish it. I've kinda been sitting on it today, but I guess I'll go ahead and get it posted now.

Date: 2011-04-03 03:05 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] nugatorytm.livejournal.com
though Charles is making him drag Toki along, partly to keep him away from Sushi’s XXX fic

Celibate!Toki is celibate, one way or another.

“Why no. Beloved daughter. We are simply having. A courteous conversation.”

Oh, good gravy, Phanuel is William Shatner.

(Indian elephants, to be even more specific.)

Well I hope so. If they were African elephants I'm pretty sure we'd be dealing with a whole different pantheon.

"Hey, Ganesh, don't touch my monkey!" Nathan warned.

Aww, Nathan, you know Toki's gonna wanna hug it...and all the other monkeys, the elephants, the wolves and that one tiger, too. It is my headcanon that Malik, the Syrian guy in Doublebookedklok gave that camel to Toki as a gift. Toki named him Titanic (being a ship of the desert and all) and he rides his camel around the Mordhaus grounds, laughing when the camel spits at the Klokateers.

“Gantry? You’re kidding," said Sariel.

Heh, he was probably expecting Burt Lancaster.

An elevator. With a cut cable….

Hmm, the elevator vision again. I'm wondering if this is going to be significant in the next story arc.

“It was…. Tzaphkiel’s vision. The boy.” He looked at Ganesh. “Our boy.”

Somehow, I think there's gonna be magic involved, because...you know...two dudes...

Someone was mounting a painting. It had been carefully framed.
And over that on the wall, there was a sword, also carefully mounted.


Why does this feel to me like it's a trophy room? I'm getting creeped out.

Date: 2011-04-03 03:19 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] tikific.livejournal.com
Heh, he was probably expecting Burt Lancaster.

You remember Elmer!! :D

It is my headcanon that Malik, the Syrian guy in Doublebookedklok gave that camel to Toki as a gift. Toki named him Titanic (being a ship of the desert and all) and he rides his camel around the Mordhaus grounds, laughing when the camel spits at the Klokateers.

Ams another plots bunny!

Somehow, I think there's gonna be magic involved, because...you know...two dudes...

When anybody says "two dudes," I start singing the Flight of the Conchords song, "If You're Into It," the part about, "Getting rude, with two dudes...." Which is sort of what I had Pickles do this round...

Date: 2011-04-03 09:16 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] wikdsushi.livejournal.com
I WILL SUCCEED IN CREATING HOT XXX CHARLES/TOKI/TOKI! YOU KNOW I WILL!

"Yes, I adore you too, dear, but could you please put me down? This is raw silk!"

Pffft. Old boyfriend, Ganesh? ;)

“Er, not that I recall,” Sariel answered.

“Then come on and RECEIVE YOUR BAPTISM!” the Reverend announced, striding out into the stream.


I'm, uh, pretty sure that water's about to boil up or turn to blood or something. Or at least a reasonably good brandy.

“But….” Raziel started. Wotan grinned at her and gestured, and she handed Liam to him. She removed her sopping blouse, stripping down to her black bustier, and True Formed as well.

“Favoloso!” called Ganesh, gesturing many thumbs up.


You know, gay or not, he certainly does seem to appreciate the female form. Would you say it's an artist thing?

There was a picnic table.

Entirely covered with pies.

"Thank you, Elmer!" Sariel called.


FFFFFFT. And Sariel finds paradise. Or as close as he can get to paradise without Ganesh bending him over said table covered in pies and having his way.

Sariel was still staring at the fallen plate. “It was…. Tzaphkiel’s vision. The boy.” He looked at Ganesh. “Our boy.”

BABIES COME FROM JAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARS!

And over that on the wall, there was a sword, also carefully mounted.

If you looked carefully, you could see an engraving on the hilt. Written in Hindi.

Vignesha, Vigneshvara.


WTF? Sariel left his Ganesh sword behind? Then, I guess he's got Ganesh back now, and he's no longer doomed to be an assassin. He doesn't really need it anymore.

Though I'm gonna be annoyed if he's lost the flaming chainsaw, too.

No more comments, alas. I've been up about four hours longer than I intended. This is what happens when Spacezombie and I hang out.

Date: 2011-04-03 02:34 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] tikific.livejournal.com
You know, gay or not, he certainly does seem to appreciate the female form. Would you say it's an artist thing?

Artist thing. ALAS BUT I HAVE WRITTEN HIM TOO GAY. :D

WTF? Sariel left his Ganesh sword behind? Then, I guess he's got Ganesh back now, and he's no longer doomed to be an assassin. He doesn't really need it anymore.

Yes, that's the sword he dropped. Now he gets to figure out his own path for himself. Uh-oh! :D

Date: 2011-04-03 07:01 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] sike-saner.livejournal.com
The blond male, unofficially named Liam, was now most often addressed by his proud father as, “My boy,” this phrase being often followed by a myriad of fatherly advice and counsel

Presumably about what all true warriors strive for.

...I'M SORRY; I HAD TO SAY IT. HAD TO.

“Michael!” Wotan shouted. “Gods dammit. I’m still cleaning up from when you tried to interrupt my damn wedding. Sit the fuck down and shut the fuck up!”

"Want me to punch him?" Nathan called.

"Not right now, Nathan," Sariel called.


Good ol' Nathan.

“Cool. WANT ME TO PUNCH MICHAEL NOW? Because I really feel like punching somebody.”

Sariel and Wotan looked at each other.

“SURE GO AHEAD!” Sariel called.


:D

World's Scariest and Most Disturbing Gospel Songs

...This deserves to exist if it doesn't already.


LUKE AND LEIA. :D That made me grin like an idiot. Nathan wins for that.

Meanwhile, Murderface wins for taking it upon himself to record what happened with regards to Brahma and Michael.

And Ganesh and Sariel "seeing Pickles off" was amazingly done.

Date: 2011-04-04 02:14 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] tikific.livejournal.com
I would TOTALLY buy World's Scariest and Most Disturbing Gospel Songs. And John the Revelator is an actual gospel song - I have the Son House version, and it's scary as all hell. Quite wonderful.

I love Nathan. So I made him a Star Wars fanatic. So sue me! :D

And Ganesh and Sariel "seeing Pickles off" was amazingly done.

I think I simply need to make peace with the fact that I write REALLY WEIRD sex scenes. :D

Date: 2011-04-04 02:09 am (UTC)
ext_341900: (Heart fish)
From: [identity profile] senoritafish.livejournal.com
Well, I guess I'm with Corvidmoon, because I went back and reread Ch. 2 3X, and I still can't figure out who Gantry's supposed to be, although I know where the character comes from. *is dumb lately*

You have a knack for making me cackle and then almost cry within a few paragraphs. Seriously, are intimate scenes like that supposed to so moving? Although Pickles is coming to some realization there, but I'm not quite sure I get what it is. That he is important to them? Or that he's ok with being a third wheel, being a mortal who's not going to be with them for very long?

Luke and Leia. *snerk*

Date: 2011-04-04 03:08 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] tikific.livejournal.com
I still can't figure out who Gantry's supposed to be

I really didn't wanna torture people with this! I thought it was gonna be way to obvious and heavy-handed. OK. Don't think Mythklok: think religious figure who might give baptisms, preach the Gospel and hang out with grotty Fallen angels?

Yeah, Pickles: I'm discovering I have a great empathy for the character, simply because I grew up in a similarly absurd family situation. (My mother honestly thinks my sister's ex, who divorced her ass and left her with a kid, is the greatest thing since peach pie.) As for Pickles, he's got a lot of STUFF right now, including worrying about his family in Australia. And I think he senses something big is gonna happen between Ganesh and Charles.
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